


Your Heart Is Down For The Count

by thorsten_is_in_the_hood



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: All you need, Angst, Arachne Peter Parker, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Mercenary Wade Wilson, and memes, like why isn't this a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-09-28 17:35:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 23,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17187368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorsten_is_in_the_hood/pseuds/thorsten_is_in_the_hood
Summary: Wade gets hired to do a very unusual job, and finds himself not able to do it. Despite his target trying everything to get rid of him.





	1. So if you're so tough

**Author's Note:**

> I know there's this issue about underage Peter being shipped with very adult Wade going around. I don't give a flying shit about which Peter you prefer or which age gap, so I will leave this to your decision. They are fictional characters after all.
> 
> For me they're both adults, but whatever sails your ship is fine with me, my dude.

{Ahahahaha, this is the best!!}

[She can't be serious.]

The mercenary blinked dumbfounded in front of his latest client. "You call a mercenary and offer more money than I usually want for a job to kill a fucking spider?!"

The woman nodded, looking out the window. "I understand if you don't believe me, but my family saw a giant spider when working in the woods. My husband could see one time how that monster killed and devoured a whole deer!"

"How fucking tall is that thing!?" Wade asked in a higher voice. He wasn't exactly afraid of spiders, but if it could kill an actual _deer_  then something weird was going on.

[We will need a lot of bullets.]

{BOOM, baby! Can we keep the poison thingy afterwards?? It would look great above the fireplace!}

[We don't have a fireplace.]

Wade got ripped out of his thoughts when the woman looked at him with hopeful eyes.

"Will you do it?"

"Sure. First, kill the spider. Second, I think I'm going to buy a fireplace with the money." Wade decided before leaving and thinking about the best way to take the beast out. And by best way, he meant which weapons would be the most fun.

 

\- ~ -

 

"Heeeeere, spider spider spider! Heeere, spider spider!" Wade called out the very next day when walking through the woods.

[This is stupid.]

The forest was huge, and the mercenary knew that without luck, it could get dark before he found the spider and then he would have a big disadvantage.

{Maybe we should get bitten, pretend we're dead, and then hit him with a surprise attack!}

"Good idea!" he mused to himself. Now he would just have to hope the spider saw him as appetising. He didn't wear the usual suit he wore most times, but a casual outfit that served as camper disguise at first look. At second look he looked like burn victim after an accident with a lawn mover.

"Heeeere, spider spid-ahh!" he shrieked, as his foot caught onto something and he tripped, falling face first to the ground. "What the fuck?"

He looked at his foot, trapped in a thin but strong web. He tried to free his leg and briefly considered cutting it off before hearing a chittering sound hurrying across the forest ground.  
Wade met the hiss with his gun. "Aha! Gotcha!"

The giant spider threw his front legs up in a threatening way, hissing louder. Wade narrowed his eyes and went to pull the trigger, but the spider was faster, kicking the gun out of his grip with one leg, others holding him down.  He could swear he saw a human face before something bit him and holy shit that stuff was good.

He fell into a blinded, blissful high for who knows how long before his vision cleared a bit and he started to sober up. And Wade stared right into the eyes of... a man?

"How are you alive? What are you?"

"Wade Wilson, merc with a big mouth and healing powers at your service. And, by the way, polite people say 'who' and not 'what', thank you very much."

His eye sight finally returned to normal, and he could see that the fairly attractive man had not only dark eyes, but another four, smaller eyes above the main eyes he didn't expect. His gaze travelled down the bare chest to see it melt into a very spider-looking body.

The stranger rolled his main eyes, the only set to even have a sclera.

[The smaller eyes almost look like eyebrow piercings.]

{I think it's hot, we should conquer that little spider ass!}

"Dude, not helping." Wade sighed. "So, uh, would you mind letting me go, spidey?"

The spider frowned as he leaned down. "I do. I won't let you kill me. Are there any others looking for me?"

"I work alone." Wade gushed out, still staring into the stranger's eyes.

The other hissed. "That would be very stupid of you."

"C'mon, man! Take a look at me, I won't win a prize with that face."

"I think your big mouth is a bigger issue than your face."

Wade grinned. "Wanna see what I could do with that big mouth?"

"Ew. No." the spider drew back again. "You're disgusting."

The mercenary tried to wiggle with his body, but was still pinned down by six powerful, giant legs. "You know, for a big bad spider, you're really fluffy."

"Why can't you just die...?" the other man asked the sky above. "Listen, I will let you go this time. Don't you dare come back."

He let him go slowly, two legs held up in defense as he walked backwards.

"Thanks, Spidey! Aren't you a real sweetheart inside?"

As answer, was the spider lowering himself and shot hairs from his body at Wade. The fine hairs stuck to him, irritating his skin and burning in his eyes.

"Fuck off."

"Okay, okay! I take it back, you're a meanie!" Wade complained, rubbing and scratching everywhere he could reach, but to no use.

 

\- ~ -

 

Wade seriously had a problem.

The next few days, he could only think about that spider. He found him too fun to just kill and do his job.

{Maybe he'll be friends with us if we give him tons of food!}

[That's a stupid idea.]

"Yeah, but we like stupid!"

And so, Wade gathered his things and went to the next gas station to fill his backpack with beef jerky and then made his way back into the woods.

Surprisingly, he barely had to call out to the spider. He could hear leaves on the ground crunching and moving, and when he turned he looked directly into six eyes.

"Didn't I tell you last week to not come back?"

"I have a gift for you, spidey!" Wade answered instead, opening his backpack.

The spider immediately threw his front legs up, prepared for a possible fight. But, he stared in confusion when he saw the actual content.

"A bag of jerky?"

"Yeah!"

"This is so stupid."

[Told you.]

Wade shrugged, holding out the backpack. "What do you say? Friendship accepted?"

"Friendship?!" the other asked shocked, backing away. "No way!"

The mercenary sat down on the forest ground, opening one pack. "Aw, I thought that could win your spider heart."

"It takes a lot more, I have two." the spider said, legs lowering. "Which doesn't mean you can come by and bring me shit. Even without killing you, I can turn you into my wall decoration."

"Ohh, kinky."

A heavy sigh escaped the other. "Why are you even here?"

Wade still held out the bag. "Told you, I got you a gift!"

The spider seemed to think for a second before he reached into the bag to get a pack out and opened it. He ripped it open and stared Wade dead in the eyes as he burrowed two teeth, serving as fangs, into the meat and threw up a digestive acid on it.

The human watched in fascination as well as disgust how the spider, still staring right back, then put the meat in his mouth.

{Is he... slurping the meat??}

[He is.]

He flinched out of instinct when the spider finished and leaned in close with a hiss, showing his fangs. In that moment, the figurative light bulb lit up.

"You're trying to make me scared and disgusted, spidey! Now my feelings are hurt. Don't you want to be friends?"

"My kind are loners, so no. I really don't." the spider said, trying a different tactic. "Just leave me alone."

He grabbed the bag and made a run.

 

\- ~ -

 

[We should leave the guy be.]

{No, we just need a better idea than beef jerky! How cool would a eight legged friend be?!}

"Answer is: very cool. And I know exactly what we're going to get!"

The next day, Wade went into the forest again.

"Hey! Spidey!"

Not even five minutes into walking around, he suddenly turned to look at his spider not-yet-friend. Before he could speak, was he thrown against a tree.

"H-Hey... I got us pizza..." Wade coughed out, leaning against the tree.

The arachnid only frowned and ran towards the tree, legs skittering across the ground and Wade knew only when it was too late that the spider had webbed the tree, trapping him.

"Don't be like tha-aumph!"

The other successfully webbed Wade's mouth shut, giving a little smile when he was done.

{His smile is so cute!!}

"Finally..." the spider sighed and looked to the ground where the mercenary had dropped the pizza boxes. "Didn't I tell you literally yesterday that you shouldn't come by and bring me shit??"

Wade tried to shrug, but it was hardly visible.

"One. Last. Time." the spider said as he picked up the boxes. "I don't want anything to do with you. So leave me alone already."

With that, he turned once again and walked away.

[What are we going to do now? We can't move.]

{Dude!! Did you see that ass?!}


	2. I'm after your hide

"That motherfucker..." Wade growled.

Two weeks after the tree incident, could the human walk into the forest and call out to the spider all he wanted, but the other didn't show up.

Several times, he walked into webbing and was sure the spider was just avoiding him.

He was almost giving up, when he finally spotted the arachnid up in a tree, reaching for something in slow motion. Really _slow_ motion.

"Spidey!!"

"Woah!" the other jumped, falling down and taking a bee hive with him.

The bees weren't exactly happy about that and angrily started to swarm around the spider that was laying on his back.

The mercenary was quick to drop down above the spider and take the attacks of the little creatures. It took the bees a while to calm down and Wade could see the spider under him hiding with tightly closed eyes.

Once they left, was Wade sitting up on his elbows.

"Thank you... even if you got me into that situation in the first place..." 

"You're welcome, spidey." Wade grinned.

"Could you, uh, get off of me?"

"Oh, yeah, sure." 

The human crawled off, sitting next to the spider that turned around and curled his legs under his body.

"Will you ever leave me alone?"

"Nope!" Wade laughed, leaning his head on the spider's shoulder. "Why were you up in a tree?"

"I was _trying_ to get honey without getting any stings." the other explained while pushing the head off his shoulder. "Can you tell me just one thing?"

Wade sat up straight, and nodded. "What is it?"

"Why do you so desperately want to hang around an arachne like me?"

"I think you're cool. And your poison was awesome."

The spider groaned. "Venom, not poison. I'm venomous." 

The mercenary tilted his head and shrugged before reaching into the bag he brought with him. "Want a burger?"

"Do you always carry junk food around?" the spider joked but accepted the offer.

"Love goes through the stomach!"

The arachnid raised an eyebrow as he unwrapped the burger. "You do realize that's a bad saying for my kind?"

"Why?"

"Arachnids are cannibals, Wade. Especially after mating." The brunette chuckled and took a bite, this time dissolving it in his closed mouth.

The mercenary brought his hand up to his chest. "Y-You remembered my name! This is the best day ever!!"

"Uh, okay? I'm Peter by the way." the spider finally introduced himself, giving up on the hope to be left alone by the other man.

"Really?? I expected your name to be something like click-click-hiss-hiss."

Peter almost choked on his burger and laughed out loud. 

{Like an angel!}

[An eight legged, deadly angel.]

"So, what are your plans for today, Petey?"

"Not much, why?"

Wade swallowed and rubbed his neck, his gaze downwards. "I thought maybe you could... I don't know... show me around?"

The arachnid finished his meal and shook his head. "Well, this is a forest. Over here we have trees-" he pointed to the side, "even more trees-" he pointed to the other side "and will you look at that! Trees. If you want I can show you my burrow, a small hint: there are webs."

"What do you do all day except climbing trees?!"

"I renovate my burrow, I like to take pictures and read the few books I have... I guess you could call me boring."

"Oh my god... I caught myself a hipster spider!!"

"Excuse me, _who_ caught _who_ exactly??"

"Don't try to change the topic, Mr. Webs!"

Peter huffed and slowly got up. "Why am I even befriending a fucking human...? I'm going home. But thanks for the food, Wade."

"See ya!" Wade said as he got up as well and grinned at his new friend.

"Yeah, you'll get on my nerves for a while. See you around."

 

\- ~ -

 

After that day, was Wade feeling the friendship with Peter bloom and the spider slowly warming up to him. 

And then he probably did one of the most stupid things in his life. And he did a lot of stupid things before.

Wade was walking through the forest, this day Peter didn't sense him right away and came to greet him, so the mercenary tried to maybe find the spider's burrow.

{Jackpot!}

[That thing is huge.]

{Spider mansion!!}

A massive cave leading underground was waiting in front of him, webbing covering most of it.

"Woah..."

He took a step closer and barely had time to shriek as something insanely big jumped at him. A giant arachne tore at him, biting him repeatingly, and also dragging him inside the burrow at the same time. The last thing he saw before he blacked out were his insides being torn out. 

Just when he thought his end had come, he gasped and looked around in panic.

Shit. He was still in the burrow. Hopefully that spider didn't realize his healing factor and decided to keep him as infinite meal.

He looked down on his body to see webstrings holding him together where he wasn't healed yet.

"Wade?!"

A relieved sigh escaped him when he heard that voice. "Spidey..."

The familiar spider came into his view and got down next to him. "Thank god, you're finally awake... How're you feeling? Do you need something against the pain??"

Wade smiled at the other lazily. "That would be great, Petey."

Peter smiled back and leaned in to bite Wade's arm. 

"Ahh... shit, this is good stuff." he slurred as the venom circled through his system. "What happend?"

The spider sighed and shifted uncomfortably. "I woke up when I heard you screaming in the distance, but... when I got there..."

Wade used the arm in Peter's reach to hold the other's hand. "Hey, it's fine. You can tell me that I'm an idiot that thought 'hey cool is that Petey's home??' and then got halfway eaten."

"You're an idiot and I don't even know why I saved you." Peter said, tightening the hold. "But at least you know now what place to avoid."

Wade nodded. "And here I thought you were a meanie when we met... your friend was nuts, spidey."

The other snorted at that. "Thanks. Saving you was not easy."

"Ohh, you're my hero!" Wade cooed and held the back of his free hand against his forehead. "Tell me how my big bad spidey saved his friend in distress!"

"In a heroic act I fought down my enemies and carried you into safety while the sun set and a hymn of victory played in the background." Peter grinned, then let out a sigh and shifted again on the ground.

Wade laughed heartedly, glad that the venom still held his pain back. "And the truth is?"

"Truth is, I acted like I wanted to mate, held her up and then grabbed you and tried to make a run for it."

The mercenary laughed even harder. "Holy shit... You ran away??"

"She was a female!!" Peter defended himself, letting Wade go to cross his arms.

"Your point being?"

The spider groaned, letting his face fall into his hands. "That's a discussion for a different time, Wade. Try to get some rest. Wake me if you need anything."

Peter slowly got up and dragged his legs to the other side of the burrow, curling up to sleep.


	3. You know you're gonna lose it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello hello, I'm sorry I'm late but hey full time job and that whole shit...   
> Anyways have a happy new year and enjoy the new chapter :D

Wade fell into a few hours of sleep before waking up to his stomach growling. He opened his eyes to notice he was fully healed, and removed the webstrings around his body.

[It was really nice of him to save us and bandage us up with his webs.]

{Yeah, isn't he just a sweetheart?! <3}

The mercenary got up and decided to look around properly. The burrow was somehow cozy, when he looked past the webbing he could see wood behind it. And even though he didn't see the other spider's burrow clearly, he thought Peter's looked more... human. Like a home.

The home itself was shaped a little like a tunnel, the sleeping and living area a single room with a path leading out.

He walked around, finding several shelves. Neatly arranged were a bookshelf that only had a handful of books in it, a shelf with containers and other little things, oh hey there was his bag! A trashbag filled with plastic wrappings, mostly of the beef jerky, a small wardrobe...

Wade was surprised to even find a laptop, a powerbank and a camera in one of the shelves.

He continued his way and reached the exit, made out of webs and what looked like a tree. He carefully stepped outside to look at it from outside.

Everything was well hidden in the huge forest, the entrance being a tree that fell over, in front of a little mountain side and the webs did a good job at hiding the actual cave behind it. Leaves caught onto the strings, making it look like the tree still had leaves and there was nothing behind it.

It was a really cool hide-out. 

Wade made his way back inside and noticed the love Peter put even into the make shift bed for Wade. It was a sleeping bag on a thick sleeping pad with two very soft pillows, there was even a blanket Wade must've somehow kicked off without noticing.

He smiled at the sight and then felt his stomach growl again.

{Kitchen raid!!}

[He did tell us to wake him if we need anything.]

{Aww, but look at that sleeping angel!}

Wade decided for the middle between the boxes' argument, and took a photo with his phone before stepping closer to wake the other in his bed of webs and pillows.

And that's when he noticed. Peter wasn't fine. 

Now that everything was healed and his sight wasn't blurred by venom, he could make out bruises and cuts on the other. His legs were curled under his body, except the two front legs. His left was spread out with webbing around it and the other leg was missing a whole joint.

"Oh god... I'm such a horrible person..." Wade sighed, feeling a sting in his chest.

"No... you're only annoying..." murmured Peter back, shifting a little to get his head free and look at Wade. "How're you doing?"

"I-I'm fine now, thanks. What about you? I mean I didn't see..." he pointed at the bruises and hurt legs. "...all of that before. You okay?"

"Yeah... it'll heal with time. I'm happy I got out alive, you know?"

Wade winced a little and sat down next to his spider friend. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Wade." the other assured him with a smile. "So, what are you doing up?"

"I got hungry and didn't want to raid your kitchen without asking..."

Peter chuckled and waved him off. "Help yourself, I think I have some cans left somewhere."

The mercenary got up and after a few minutes of searching, he settled down again next to Peter with a can of cold ravioli and a plastic fork.

"By the way, I love your home. It has all the accents of cozy shed you hide in as a kid with a hint of camping!"

The spider huffed a laugh, shaking his head. "Thanks. I found that cave years ago and took apart an abandoned shed nearby to build it like this."

"It looks awesome, spidey. Can I come by sometimes?"

"As long as you recognize mine, sure."

"Yay! I'd offer the same, but I doubt you're a city kid."

"Hey, I'm in the city sometimes!"

Wade blinked, locking his eyes with Peter's. "You're kidding me."

Peter only shook his head. "I made it a tradition to go and raid every fast food place on halloween night."

"You're a genius!"

"I know." the arachne answered and yawned. "If you could excuse me, I'm still tired."

"Yeah, sure. Consider me as good as gone."

 

\- ~ -

 

The next days, was Wade unfortunately held up by jobs he had to do to continue paying for rent and food. 

He was so caught up in it that he barely had time to tell his spider friend before leaving the country for a while.

His jobs weren't nice, they never were. That made Wade think about the bizarre friendship he had with Peter.

The spider could accept him as he was. It was okay that he killed people, Peter's whole species were brutal killers. It was okay that he looked hideous and scared people, Peter looked scary to humans too. It was okay to be his crazy self, Peter had a unique personality as well. And even if the spider tried to not act the way, Wade was sure the friendship he felt was returned.

It had been a long time since he could go somewhere without his suit and feel somewhat normal. 

And what about Peter?

Wade hoped he felt similar. He told him his species didn't make friends, and he saw how lovely the spider ladies were. Maybe the spider was happy to have someone to talk to and hang around with.

[He still lost a bit of a leg thanks to you.]

"I know..." Wade said out loud. "There's nothing I can do to make it up."

{We're horrible!}

"And yet he still saved me from someone twice his size. He's the little nerd that stands up to the bullies to protect others."

[We could leave him be, it has been two weeks. He was fine without us.]

{Hey, aren't you forgetting something? THAT ASS?!}

"Okay, stop it. After getting home, I will tap that ass. And apologize with food that I hurt him."

 

\- ~ -

 

At the other side, was a spider curled up in his nest, thinking the same.

_'Why am I friends with Wade?? Okay, he may be good company and not being alone is great, and he brings me food... Yeah, that's why.'_

Peter looked down at his front legs. 'That was one of my most stupid ideas... confronting a female, how suicidial am I? But... I don't regret it. I like Wade.'

The arachne sighed. _'He is still annoying.'_

_'... and I hope he's doing well.'_

He slowly got up and walked over to his storage area. "Shit... I can't wait much longer, I just hope Wade either comes here soon or that he'll need more time. Why the fuck didn't we exchange numbers??"


	4. Knock me off my feet till I'm flat on the floor

"Pizza time!" Wade called out as he entered the burrow.

Peter didn't come to greet him, so Wade thought he was being careful with only seven and a half legs. The sight that instead greeted him as he went inside made him drop the boxes, however.

The arachne was laying on his back, motionless.

He rushed to his side and kneeled down. Wide, glassy eyes stared into the distance. 

"Oh god, oh please, no..." Wade whispered, his own eyes tearing up.

Then, the whole body convulsed and Peter's heart rate went up crazily, causing Wade to flinch away.

"Don't you dare die on me, Webs!" Wade begged and crawled closer to put Peter's head on his lap. He noticed how sickly pale his friend was and hoped it wasn't too late to somehow help. 

{Okay, mental checklist! Heart rate, weird but there. Breathing... shit, he isn't breathing! Make out with him!}

[You mean breathe oxygen into his lungs?]

{Yeah yeah, that!}

Wade leaned down and brought the spider's head closer with one hand, his other closing the nose as he put his lips on Peter's and breathed air into his lungs.

{Jackpot! His lips are so soft...}

[His skin is weird. A bit hard, isn't it?]

{I know what will be hard if we make out like that with the hot spider!}

[Not helping.]

"Shut up! I need to concentrate!" he shouted at his voices before returning to his task at hand. "C'mon, Spidey! Live, dammit!"

The body continued to convulse, and a small sound was escaping Peter when Wade pushed air into him.

Holding onto these things as only signs that he was living, Wade did his best and didn't leave the other for even a second. He had no idea how much time went by, he only knew that Peter squirmed and convulsed harder and still wasn't breathing on his own.

Out of the corners of his eyes, he could see Peter scraping his arms against the ground and his spider body parts showing a pale line that steadily grew. He tried not to panic, in favor of still being his air supply.

Minutes went by, and Wade was shocked when out of nothing arms shot up to push him away. The spider hissed weakly, pushing with even weaker arms against Wade again.

"Spidey! Hey, hey it's fine. I'm here to help."

Another weak hiss was the response, followed by him clawing at his neck.

Wade watched in horror how his friend squirmed in his lap, ripping the skin off his body. To reveal another, perfectly fine skin underneath.

"What the fuck?"

"W-Wade..." Peter coughed out, once his head was skinned. "S-Stop kissing me and he-help me!"

The mercenary's answer stuck in his throat and he complied, moving off of him to help. He tried to get the skin off as gently as he could, and soon was his upper body free, a lump of skin next to it.

Wade swallowed and turned to the spider parts, seeing how pale legs tried to push off the old exo skeleton. Again, he helped to get it off and after some minutes, they had freed the legs.

Peter curled into himself on his back, rubbing his feet against each other to free his little claws.

Wade laid down next to his friend, exhausted. "Fuck, Peter! I thought you were fucking dying!" 

"Yeah... I noticed." Peter said out of breath. He uncurled his legs, causing the ones on his right side to fall on Wade.

"Hey, your leg grew back!" Wade noticed as the legs draped over him like a big, cozy blanket.

"Hmm..." the other hummed.

The two laid there for a while, and the silence after the adrenaline high caused Wade to be lured into a nap.

 

\- ~ -

 

He woke up when the arachne moved, the legs removing themselves from his body, and leaving it cold.

{Daaamn, those legs! Best cuddle buddy eveeer!}

[It _was_ pretty comfortable.]

"You good, webs?"

Peter rolled over and kicked off some leftover skin from his back. "Yeah. Thanks for helping me, and... you know. Trying to revive me."

"You're welcome, baby boy!"

He should've expected the slap the got.

"Ow... Hey, can I keep the skin?"

Peter's expression turned into something between confusion and disgust. "Why?"

Wade grinned. "Remember the first time we met? I was hired to kill you, maybe I can trick them with the skin! I'll give you half the money."

The spider seemed lost in his thoughts for a moment as he heard that. "All the hot dogs I could afford..."

{You hear that?! He likes wiener... hue hue}

[He'd maybe eat ours, too.]

{Ohh, kinky!}

"Spidey, I will get you all the hot dogs you want, but... I kinda thought it was pizza time?"

"You brought food?! Oh god, I could marry you right now. The thought of another week without food is horrific!"

Wade chuckled and got up to get the pizza, when something striked him. "What do you mean by 'another week'? Spidey, do you not eat properly when I don't feed you?"

"Going by human or by arachne standards?"

Wade held the pizza out of reach as he insisted. "What and when was your last meal, Peter?"

"The burrito you got me before leaving, okay?" The spider huffed and held his arms out.

"Are you seriously saying you didn't eat shit the last two weeks?!"

"I can go on empty for three weeks, and I was in pre-molt and then molting, so I had no energy to hunt!"

The human sighed and dropped the pizza boxes into Peter's waiting arms. The spider barely waited for the other until he stuffed half a slice into his mouth.

"Hey, can I ask something disgusting?" Wade asked as he got himself a slice as well.

Peter hummed as he digested most of his bite in his mouth.

"Do you even taste food? I mean, you basically throw up on it to drink that stuff."

The spider waited a few seconds before swallowing. "I do. And no, I don't taste my digesting fluid. For me it's as tasteless as my saliva."

Wade made an impressed noise before the two of them continued to eat in silence. All four pizza boxes were gone in practically no time and the mercenary could see a hungry look the other still had.

"Do I have to run get you more before you eat me?"

"I won't eat you, but I could use a dessert..." the spider sighed. "It's fine."

"It's not! You've gone weeks without food! Hold on princess, your knight in shining armor will hunt you something." Wade said and reached for the gun in his pocket.

"Thanks, Wade." Peter chuckled. "You're a true friend."

Wade grinned and started to sing on his way out the burrow, causing the arachne to groan and hold his head.

"A true true friend helps a friend in need, a friend will be there to help him eat! A true true friend helps a friend in need, to find the things, the things that he needs to eat! Spidey-pie needs your heeeelp-"

"Why am I friends with him again?"


	5. Till my heart is crying indian and I'm begging for more

The week after, was Wade caring for the home ridden spider. The woman had believed Wade when he presented the molt of the spider skin, but warned her that there were more and he couldn't kill all. With the cash, he mostly bought food for him and Peter.

{And damn, that boy can _eat!_ }

"WADE!!"

The mercenary turned and couldn't help but laugh at the sight.

While the arachne was sleeping, had Wade carefully slipped pink Hello Kitty socks over each leg, causing the spider to now have no footing and constantly slip and fall, a bit like Bambi's first time on ice.

"You absolute fucking idiot!"

"Hahah, this is the best!" Wade laughed, and instead took photos of the scene with his phone.

Peter flushed red in embarrassment and flipped on his back to quickly strife off the socks, throwing them into Wade's direction.

"I hate you."

"I know you mean _love!_ "

The spider flipped back over and crawled up to the ceiling of the burrow, staying in the corner furthest away from Wade. "...Fuck off."

"Aw, come on!"

With no response, Wade sighed and grabbed the broom from the storage area. "Petey, come down or I'll do it the domestic spider way!"

[No answer.]

{He is ignoring us! Give him the broom action!!}

"Oh, I will." Wade huffed and poked the spider's ass. "C'mon pumpkin pie, get down. I promise to never make you wear socks again."  
"Or stockings."  
"Or any other footwear."  
"Spiiiideyy-piiieeee! Pete! Babycakes! Honeybun!"

Peter slowly turned around to glare and hiss.

"I won't stop until you come down! Cutie! Sugarbabe! Sweetie!"

"Stop it already with the nicknames!" the arachne hissed, lowering himself closer the ceiling.

"Peter. Peeeeter. Peter, Peter, peterpeterpeterpeterpeter-"

"No! I've had it with you! You come here almost every day getting on my nerves, with teasing and pranking and just annoying the hell out of me!"

Wade immediately shut up and let the broom slip out of his grip. "B-But-"

"Just... get out of here!"

The mercenary blinked in confusion, but took his things when meeting Peter's sour glare. He stopped before leaving the burrow to at least say his goodbye, but the spider hissed again and spit on him.

{Tha- ahh- THAT ISN'T SPIT!!}

[He threw up on us!]

{OH GOD IT BURNS}

Wade ran to the nearest river to wash the acid off his skin. The areas looked horrible, grey and black flesh was visible and it hurt like hell, even after washing it off.

[We fucked up.]

"But why? I thought... I thought he actually liked me."

{Maybe it was something we did? Was it the socks? IS HE HATING ON HELLO KITTY??}

[We should let him calm down and then talk about things.]

"And then what? Happy ever after? No, he made his point clear."

{Aww, what about that ass?!}

[I actually agree on that. What about that ass?]

"Peter's got a great spider ass..." Wade sighed, and got dressed again to leave the forest for good.

 

\- ~ -

 

It was two days later, when Wade was laying sleepless in bed, his head still spinning around a certain arachnid.

When suddenly, he could hear music coming from the window in his living room. With nothing better to do, he got up and followed the music.

_"When she's lonely and the longing gets too much-"_

Wade spotted a phone sitting on his windowsill and just grew even more confused. He turned around and jumped when he spotted Peter on his ceiling.

"Wha- even- HOW?!"

"We've got a thing that's called radar love~!" Peter sang along, smiling shyly.

"Petey-pie!" Wade brought his hand to his chest. "You came all the way to my apartment?"

"Y-Yeah... you see..." the arachne stuttered, then pulled something out of the black hoodie he was wearing. "You dropped your wallet."

Wade hummed in confusion and caught the wallet the brunette threw at him. "Why are you really here?"

"I shouldn't have freaked out like that, it was unfair and mean to throw you out like that. For that, I want to apologize. I..." Peter sighed, staying still on the ceiling. "I just... I just don't think I can be friends with you anymore. And I don't know what to do anymore. You get on my nerves, sure, but somehow I don't mind anymore. You took care of me, brought me the coolest snacks, we had a lot of fun..."

"But?" Wade asked, stepping closer.

"You make all these little comments and all the nicknames and... I can't get the whole molting thing out of my head. I mean, I know you only wanted to keep me alive, and I appreciate that a lot, but I can't stop thinking about it."

"Can't stop thinking about it like 'that smear of a human fucking kissed me, eww' or can't stop thinking about it like 'holy fuck I want to tap that ass'. Because honestly? I would love it to tap _that_ ass!" Wade pointed at the lower part of the arachne.

"Neither, Wade. You see-" he paused, letting himself fall off the ceiling, but landed elegantly on his feet. "It isn't about sex. I... I think I like you..."

"Like like?"

"Like like."

Wade actually squealed and then ran up to Peter, pulling him into a crushingly tight hug.

The spider escaped a small sound at the sudden contact, but he returned the hug.

"I like like you too, Petey-pie. Annnd I wanna tap that ass..."


	6. You break the laws of love

Wade grinned into the hug. "Okay, seriously, how did you get into my place??"

"Same as Bob."

The mercenary pulled back, hands still on the arachne's shoulders. "Who the fuck is Bob?!"

"That's Bob." Peter pointed at the doorway to Wade's bedroom, where a cobweb spider started to spin a web. "You left your bedroom window open, so I deployed my phone as decoy to climb in through the window. Funnily enough, Bob climbed in together with me."

Wade huffed a short laugh and raised an eyebrow at the small spider. "How angry would you be with me if I killed him? Nothing against you cutie, but I'm not a fan of spiders in my home."

"I wouldn't. Try to reach it." Peter grinned cheekily as he observed how Wade pulled away and walked over. He couldn't reach it with his hands, and he missed the little spider with his shoe.

"2:0 for Bob!" Peter cheered on, crawling up a wall to have a better view.

"Fuck this!" Wade shouted, pulled out a gun and shot at the wall several times. Yet somehow, the spider managed to get away without a scratch. He could hear Peter laughing next to him and turned towards him with a pout.

"Peter... Bob is mean to me..." he whined.

"What did you say?" Peter faked being shocked, and crawled along the wall towards the small spider. "Bob, don't be disrespectful!"

He held his hand out until the spider crawled onto it, and before Wade could even think that Peter would be nice and get him out or something, the arachne opened his mouth and dropped him inside.

"Is it still living??"

Peter nodded and then Wade could hear a faint crunch with a squishing noise to it.

"Gross. But you're exactly my kind of crazy, my little cannibal spider~!"

"I actually never ate one of my species before."

Wade raised an eyebrow in distrust and pointed at him. "And what was that?"

"Do you want an explaination now or later when we discuss biology?"

The mercenary whined, letting his arms drop to his sides. "Do we have to?"

The arachne climbed back down and walked up to Wade. He cradled the scarred face in his hands and pulled it close. "We are different, Wade. And I really want to make this work, okay? I don't want any weird human biology stand in my way or weird arachne biology in yours."

Wade gasped a little. "Is it now time for the little mermaid part where we touch the other's legs??"

Peter leaned in slowly. "Don't ruin it, Wade."

Wade smiled at that, and closed the gap. The kiss was relatively short, and Wade could feel that Peter was nervous and inexperienced.

The mercenary let go first, keeping the other close. "How about we watch some TV and you can do your little nerd rant?"

"Okay?" Peter hesitated, and looked at said couch in question. He walked over and climbed up, laying down on top of the backrest as he was whispering to himself. "God, I haven't been on a couch for years."

Wade followed, casually flopping down and putting his head and feet up on the armrests. Long spider legs uncurled and draped lazily over Wade, making him feel comfortable and safe on a whole new, weird level.

The arachnid watched, and groaned when he realized Wade didn't intend of switching channels. "We are _not_ watching Winx Club. No way."

"Then suggest something else, Webs. What about Golden Girls?"

"Sure, I basically grew up with that show."

Wade turned his head, staring wide eyed at Peter. "Lil' spiderling Pete watched TV? How??"

"Uh, yeah. It's a long story?"

The human nodded, not pressing the issue further and watched with Peter in silence.

After two episodes, he looked back up to Peter. The spider looked a little sleepy, but was still focused.

He turned down the volume a bit and turned around to face the arachne. "Hey, didn't you want to... uh..."

"Hm?" Peter hummed, his gaze slowly moving to Wade to show he was listening.

"I was going to ask if you'd want to start that weird 'teach the other of your junk and shit' lesson, but... you're kind of creeping me out right now."

Peter tilted his head in curiosity, moving like in slow motion, which sent a shiver down his spine. "Spidey, please, stop being that creepy. I mean it somehow turns me on, but... yeah... maybe you could stop that?"

The arachnid still looked at him clueless.

"Movement, Peter. Movement. I can't even see or hear you breathe! It's creepy as fuck!"

Peter pushed himself up on his elbows. "Oh. Sorry. I don't need that much oxygen when I'm not moving around."

"Okay, Webs. As you may have noticed, my eight legged friend, I always breathe. And I snore."

"You what?"

"I sound like a bear when sleeping."

The spider blinked in confusion and Wade knew that Peter's thought was 'I need to watch him sleep'.

The mercenary sat up to actually stare face to face at Peter. "I'll just get it out of my chest now. You've seen other humans before, you know they aren't supposed to look like shredded and set on fire. Peter, I'm ugly as shit and in constant pain. I've got a whole lot of problems and you know I'm batshit crazy. And I really like you, so you can tell me everything. I know you're holding back. And I can't promise that I won't find anything weird or disgusting. But what I can promise, is that I won't leave you just because of what you might tell me."

"Okay. Whole tour of 'weird facts about me' then." Peter smiled and drew in a big breath. 

"I'm actually not a spider. I do belong to the family of arachnida, but I'm as equally connected to araneae, known as spiders, as I am to scorpions and mites. There is no scientific name for my species, we go by many names. Most popular is arachne, based on the greek myth. Female arachne can reach the absurdly high age of 150 years, and can grow the size of a huge ass elk. They're known for hunting from their burrows and stay inside them for most of their lives, while males tend to hunt and venture more outside of the safety of their burrow."

"Wait. Hold up. Did you say 150 years?!" Wade gasped.

Peter made a small noise and nodded. "Y-Yeah, like I said, females can get up to 150 years. What's interesting about us is that we both have an internal and external skeleton. The internal structure is as you might have guessed, mostly in the human looking parts, but there are also small bones in my other parts to keep it upright. The exo skeleton can't grow, so I have to molt throughout my life to grow. Shedding skin with that is normal."

"Yeah, that was weird as fuck, Peter. Could you warn me next time??"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bob the spider, not to be confused with Bob the drag queen (hah!) is not exactly a reference btw, while writing the chapter a spider crawled up to me to say hi and I was just like 'yo whassup Bob' and thought might as well include the little guy. Oh, and the real Bob is still alive, I lovingly helped him get outside.


	7. you've had your way with love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't make it yesterday, I can't promise I can post on time the next time, so heyyy two chapters for the price of one day waiting!!

"I wanted to before, but you were away and we still didn't exchange numbers, by the way."

"You're right!" Wade gasped. "Remind me to save you under 'Daddy Long-Legs' later."

"Wade. No." Peter glared.

"Okay... 'Baby Boy' it is... Sorry, continue with your lesson, Professor Spidey."

The arachnid rolled with his main eyes. "Anyway, mating is a scary act even for me, and I really don't want to explain it. So far I did _not_ google on how humans do it and skipped that part in movies, but with the fact that most mammals mindlessly hump things, I have my hopes up."

"Thank you very much." Wade huffed. "What about your eyes?"

"My eyes?" Peter asked, confused. "They're not as special as you'd think. I only have a wide field of view. My main eyes can be compared to human ones, and the four up here are split up, the outer provide more information for seeing distances while the inner ones help with seeing things up close. I don't have any freaky vision like see in the dark or temperatures."

Peter shifted a little on the couch, getting more comfortable. "Speaking of temperature, while I mostly have the same as humans, it's no big deal if it differs. In winter I'm a bit colder and in summer a bit hotter."

"I think you're always hot." Wade commented with a wink.

"Idiot." Peter laughed, not even trying to sound annoyed. "But that's it. Anything weird about humans I should know?"

"No. Because first off, you think I'm stupid. Second, you can always google and I don't know all that science stuff about humans."

"I don't think you're stupid at all!" Peter protested, but was met with Wade holding up his hand.

"Then why do you act like you could fool me that easily?? You talked so much about the spidey ladies, but you delicately left out things about the arach-dudes. What are you hiding from me?"

The arachne looked down, embarrassed. "Sorry, but that's something that devides our species more than the number of legs. You're all almost the same. But not arachnids. Our females are stronger, bigger, get insanely old and don't see much in males. They are superior."

"Not to forget the fact that you're much nicer. When I thought you were a meanie with poisoning me and then eat, I would've never guessed that the girls just straight up rip you apart!"

A heavy shudder went through the brunette at that. "Yeah... god, they're so _scary_."

"How about we change topics?" Wade suggested and laid back down.

"Oh, I know one more thing. It's mostly a fun fact, though."

"What is it?"

"I can taste some things with my feet."

"Oh, spidey... My deepest apologies!"

Peter laughed and dragged his feet across the couch. "It's not much, mostly hormones and stuff, you can't compare it to a tongue. Ew, Wade. How often do you jerk off on this thing??"

Wade flushed red and turned to hide his face in the couch cushion. 

Peter huffed a laugh and curled his legs around Wade. "You okay?"

"I just realized my boyfriend can taste where I masturbate. So yes, just _peachy_."

Peter hummed and gently turned the other over with his legs, then climbed down to cuddle. He slung all of his legs around Wade and pressed his face into Wade's neck.

"Noooo... cute cuddles... my only weakness!" Wade said dramatically and hugged Peter back.

The arachne giggled, but Wade could feel that he was somewhat tense.

"Hey baby boy, don't initiate cuddles if you don't like them. What's up?"

"I like it!" Peter protested. "I'm just not that used to these things."

"Aww, is my Petey-pie touch starved??" Wade grinned and brought one hand up to gently caress the brunette's hair. When he noticed Peter humming at he sensation, he felt content and happy in a way he hadn't for years. He turned the TV back louder and continued to turn his spider boyfriend to pudding with soft touches.

At some point, Wade fell asleep when Peter returned the gesture and stroked all over Wade's body with his hands and legs.

 

\- ~ -

 

When he woke back up, the sun was already coming up. He stretched out and noticed a certain arachnid gone from the couch.

"Spidey?"

"Here!" Peter called from the kitchen. "Hold on, I'm almost done."

Wade hummed in confusion and sat up. He couldn't place a finger on it, but something was different about his apartment. He looked to the other side to see the lights in the bathroom on, and seconds after when he turned his gaze back was Peter standing next to him with two bowls.

"HOLY FUCK ON A FISHSTICK!!" he shrieked. "How do you fuckers do that?!"

"Arachnid secret." Peter chuckled and crawled onto the couch next to Wade, tucking his legs in. "Here. I can't say I can cook, but I understand the concept of cereal."

The mercenary took the smaller bowl and smiled happily. "Oh god, you're perfect."

Wade then took the offered spoon and dug in, while looking at the other in question. "What's in yours? Did I have noodles left?"

"Not really, more like protein fibres with the extra crunch. Call it spider cereal."

"Why not real cereal?"

Peter shrugged, mouth already full. He waited for a while to be able to swallow. "I'm not a mammal, so I can't digest lactose."

"Huh." Wade huffed and finished his cereal in record time.

[Something is still off with this place.]

{Yeah... as if we cleaned or something!}

[But it's still the same chaos as always. Spidey didn't move a thing.]

{Air refresher? No, it smells the same...}

"Yeah... it's weird..."

"What is?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw yes spiders taste through their feet the webs if the female sends out hormones to show she's ready to mate and the multiple eyes are indeed split up to see both near and far, they can't switch like ours.  
> Only thing our Petey here doesn't have is the bundle of nerves alarming them of things (Canon Spidey has a spidersense, sure, but if it would be realistic Peter would notice it if someone several blocks away from him sneezes.)
> 
> Now you can't say this fic isn't educational :D


	8. but it's the end of the day

"I don't know... but something is different... did you do anything with my apartment?"

"Maybe." Peter smirked. "Let's see if you notice."

Wade raised an eyebrow in suspicion, but shrugged it off and put down his bowl on the coffee table to get ready for the day.

Peter stayed behind and relocated himself to the ceiling to spread out without being in the way and enjoyed his large meal.

"Petey." Wade called from the bathroom a few minutes later.

"Hm?"

"I know what's wrong and I have a too bad feeling to even ask." 

Peter chuckled and swallowed his mouthful. "Then don't."

The human emerged from the bathroom in only a towel. "Uhh... thanks for getting rid of the cockroaches. This place was really, badly infected..."

The arachne nodded with a smile as a silent 'you're welcome'. Then, his smirk returned and he decided to actually chew.

"God, don't _crunch_ them like that!!" Wade shuddered. "But aside the roaches... are you seriously eating stuff that came out of your ass?? That's really kinky shit reserved for girls and their respective drinking vessels."

"One, I have silk glands, webs don't come out my ass. Two, no two girls one cup references. Three, don't lecture me without even wearing pants."

"Is that so? I don't remember seeing you in any clothes aside that hoodie you're wearing right now." Wade stepped closer and let the towel fall to the ground. "We should both have the right to not have to wear pants."

"Wade."

"Peter."

The two of them stared at each other for a solid minute before Peter broke the eye contact and focused on the now empty bowl in his hands. "Please put some clothes on, Wade."

"Why? You want to be with me, so isn't it for the best to get used to, as you say it, human biology aka my junk??"

Peter blushed and ducked his head, blocking Wade's view to it. "B-But then I could see it when you... you know... and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet. It's stupid and it's not like I'm afraid of sex but somehow I still want it to be special with us and you're not like other male arachne so-"

The arachne got ripped out of his ramblings when Wade threw the TV remote at his spider parts. "-hey!"

"We don't have to do shit, Peter! You know what's my biggest kink? Sex with consent and a huge dosis of love."

{Actually, I think our biggest kink would be-}

[Please don't finish that sentence.]

Peter sighed and gestured for Wade to catch the bowl. The mercenary managed it even with the fork inside and put it aside on the coffee table next to his, curious what the other might do.

The arachnid lowered himself to the ceiling to attach a string of web and then slowly let himself glide down until he was face to face with the human. He grabbed Wade's face and kissed him sweetly in his upside down position.

The kiss felt like an eternity to both, and they would've loved to stay like that forever.

Wade was the first one to pull away after some time and grinned giddily. "How about we get a bit more comfortable? I noticed you aren't a fan of my couch, cutie. How about a hammock? Or do you need a joint for that?"

"What?" The arachne asked, confused. "I-I could make a hammock, why would I need drugs?"

"Oh, Petey. C'mon, you do that and I'll make us some coffee. Then, I have to show you cool shit."

"Okay?" Peter asked, but complied and started to spin something resembling a hammock across the room, high enough so that it was no problem to still walk through the room. He added a web structure to the wall so that Wade could easily climb up as well.

The mercenary made two cups of coffee and then, much to Peter's appreciation, put on underwear before joining the spider.

Wade laid down on his back and Peter put his head down on the other's chest, humming in content and legs spread out. Some legs were a bit restless and strummed a few web strings, which Wade found just adorable.

"Okay, so check this out." he announced and gave Peter the cups to open up YouTube with a video called 'spiders on drugs'. They both sipped their drinks as the video started.

After watching, was Peter left in tears and almost spilled his drink with how hard he was laughing.

"I have more stupid things to show you, if this is your kind of humor." Wade grinned and started the whole playlist of 'True Facts'. They stayed like that and enjoyed the intimacy of cuddling so close.  
Wade noticed at some point how the caffeine hit Peter and he grew restless, legs fidgeting with the strings even more. What he didn't expect though, was the arachne blushing darker with every minute passing by.

"What's on your mind, baby boy?"

"N-Nothing! Sorry, I'm just a bit restless from the coffee, it's not... ah..."

"It's not what?"

"I-It's not... uh... It's an arachnid thing, forget it. I'm fine."

Wade pulled Peter closer, earning a small gasp. "No can do, spider-babe. Tell me."

"It's... it's kind of... spider flirting??"

"Aww, Petey!" Wade planted small kisses on his head and used his hands to make some strings vibrate as well, humming along.

"Are you fucking serious?"

The mercenary laughed and nodded his head upwards to encourage his boyfriend to sing along. "I've been waiting for so long, now I've finally found someone to stand by me~"

Peter sighed, but sat up enough to properly sing along. "We saw the writing on the wall, as we felt this magical fantasy~"

They tried hard not to laugh and keep their composure when joining the duet.

"Now with passion in our eyes, there's no way we could disguise it secretly~ So we take each other's hand 'cause we seem to understand the urgency~"

"Just remember!" - "You're the one thing" - "I can't get enough of" - "so I'll tell you something"

"This could be love! Because-"

Wade wiggled his eyebrows and Peter hesitated for only a split second before holding hands with him and pushing himself off to jump at Wade. The human caught him and held him by the arms and used his legs to hold the spidery abdomen.

"I've had the time of my life~! No, I never felt this way before! Yes, I swear, it's the truth! And I owe it all to yoouuuu~"


	9. Shoot 'em all down with a flash of your pearly smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'two cheesy songs directly after another? Uncreative much, will this be the theme now?'  
> Yeah no maybe I felt the urge to write another and no this wont be a constant. Just... sometimes. Let me live the dream, man.
> 
> Also I'm like super awkward when talking or writing about sex. Even more so if said sex is borderlining on zoophilia and yeah... I'll just shuddup now.

"Peter, I love you so fucking much." Wade stated as he let the arachnid down again. "You didn't even grew up in a human society but still know Dirty Dancing..."

{This is too much... I think I'm gonna cry!}

Wade sniffed and felt tears forming in his eyes. "You're perfect. What did I do to deserve your beautiful spider ass??"

"I don't know, what did _I_ do to derserve _you?_ " Peter asked back, kissing away the tears.

Wade giggled at the action and cuddled Peter close. "Do you know how long you'll be staying? You can stay as long as you want."

Peter hummed in thought, rubbing his cheek against Wade's. "I think tomorrow night is good, tonight is a high chance of rain."

"Awesome. You can come by anytime you want, Petey-pie. I'll even help you, I know a guy who wont say a word to others!"

"You know what would be really cool?" The arachne asked, pulling back enough that Wade could see a sparkle in his eyes. "If we roam the streets on halloween and you let me stay here during winter!"

"Sounds great." Wade smiled, mostly to himself.

 

\- ~ -

 

The rest of the day was filled with a lot of cuddles, lame puns while watching TV and so on. When evening came around, did Peter decide to wash up a bit after he tried to learn from Wade how to cook and covered himself with every substance possible.

_"Aren't spiders usually oh so elegant?"_

_"Fuck you, Wade. Your kitchen is way too small and doing this upside down to have my space would be even harder!"_

After that was done, was he searching through Wade's closet for something comfortable to wear and found aside way too many weapons a black tank top that would be definitively too big.

A thought came to his mind that was so stupid, that he was sure he could win Wade's heart all over with that move. He put the tank top on and, as he suspected, were the short sleeves sliding down his shoulders. He rolled up the bottom part and then leaned against the doorway, waiting for Wade's attention.

"S-Spidey?!" Wade sputtered at the sight, eyes wide.

"Tell me about it, stud."

Wade jumped up from the couch with a huge grin. "I got chills, they're mutliplying! And I'm losing control~! 'Cause the power, you're supplying it's electrifying!"

He walked closer and dramatically imitated being shoked and falling to the ground.

Peter rolled his main eyes in amusement that, of course, he played along immediately and lightly kicked him. "You better shape up, 'cause I need a man and my heart is set on you~!"

He pushed Wade backwards with his front legs. "You better shape up; you better understand to my heart I must be true~!"

"Nothing left, nothing left for me to do-"

Wade dropped down again to stare at Peter's ass.

"You're the one that I want, you're the one I want, ohh ohh ohh, honey! You're the one that I want, you're the one I want, ohh ohh ohh, honey! You're the one that I want, you're the one I want, ohh ohh ohh! The one I need, oh yes indeed!"

Peter motioned with his finger to follow him and turned to slowly dance his way to the bedroom. "If you're filled with affection, you're too shy to convey. Meditate in my direction. Feel your way~!"

Wade acted again to be shocked and then continued his dance, wondering if the arachnid had watched Grease as often as he did to know the steps. "I better shape up, 'cause you need a man-"

"I need a man, who can keep me satisfied!"

"I better shape up, if I'm gonna prove-"

"You better prove, that my faith is justified!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure down deep inside~"

They grabbed each other for the more intimate dance part and Peter showed off how perfectly he could coordinate his eight legs.

"You're the one that I want, you're the one I want, ohh ohh ohh, honey! You're the one that I want, you're the one I want, ohh ohh ohh, honey! You're the one that I want, you're the one I want, ohh ohh ohh! The one I need, oh yes indeed!"

Wade skipped the side steps and directly lifted Peter. The arachne's legs wrapped around his waist and legs, and Wade couldn't hide his obvious arousal.

Peter blushed in a dark red, and clung to him even closer.

"Oh god, Petey..." The mercenary cursed and couldn't help himself to move his hips. He felt his crotch press against a rather large opening.

The arachnid drew in a sharp breath and bit his lip hard.

Wade repeated the action, a little bit harder, and could feel that Peter had tensed up and stopped breathing, instead holding his breath.

"Oh shit, Peter, I'm so sorry! I didn't want to push you into-" he got interrupted with the arachne untangling his legs to press them against the wall, creating a small distance between them.

The brunette took a small breath again and groaned. "No need to ruin the mood, Wade. It's fine. Just... maybe don't press your dick into my secondary lungs?"

Wade clasped his hands over his mouth and let out a gasp.

Peter just laughed at the sight and pointed with his thumb at the bed. "How about a round of show and tell? Because I still want to mate with you afterwards." he ended the sentence with a wink.

"Oh Spidey, you make me the happiest walking shredded cheese on earth."

 

\- ~ -

 

"You know, for a one night stand species you really like post-sex cuddles." Wade mused afterwards, his hand gently scratching over Peter's scalp.

The arachnid was sprawled over him, completely exhausted. "This was the best sex ever."

"Agreed. Weird as fuck, though."

"Yeah, totally." Peter huffed a laugh and pressed his face closer to Wade's neck. "I love you, Wade."

"Love you too, Petey-pie."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is so short but hey you guys got the whole 2 for 1 deal last time and the next one will be longer I promise :D


	10. You break the laws of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact about this fic: me working full time plus other hobbies and a second job means I barely have time for writing.   
> I write chapters until I'm done and now I'm just reading them over and giving it a final touch.
> 
> Sooo... When I wrote this, it was hot as shit and I was a sweating, half-dead mess...

"How. JUST HOW." Wade groaned. 

It was late august, and an intense heat wave was making it's way over the area. Within the very first few days Wade decided to fuck his shitty apartment without even a fan to cool the place down and moved to Peter.

"Webs, it's too fucking hot. I think I'm gonna die..." he whined, wiping sweat off his forehead.

"Mhmm..." Peter hummed in agreement.

The mercenary slowly got up and walked over to the arachnid, who was spread out on a combination between a matress and webs functioning as their bed. He pushed the bangs out of Peter's face.

"You okay there?"

Peter slowly looked up at him, unfocused.

{He's looking at us cross-eyed! Oh god, turn away, he is too cute!!}

[If you think you're feeling hot, imagine having hairs again. And as many as him.]

The arachnid nodded and gave him a short smile.

"Shit, Peter. You're burning up!" Wade gasped as he actually touched the other's skin. "Is that still normal??"

Peter nodded again, moving his head to kiss the palm of Wade's hand. "I'm fine."

Wade giggled at the action when suddenly an idea struck him. "Wait here, my dear daddy longlegs. I'll be right back!"

He enjoyed the annoyed glare from Peter as he grabbed his wallet and dashed out of the burrow. He endured the heat, only being harsher outside the forest, and returned two hours later with a bag.

His eight-legged boyfriend raised his head when he entered the burrow and opened the cooling bag. 

"I bought ice cream! I got you sorbet and soy-vanilla."

Peter blinked in disbelief and hesitantly touched one small container.

{Ahh oh my god ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod-}

[He is fucking adorable.]

Wade grinned and opened the soy-vanilla, putting some on a spoon and gestured it towards Peter, who moved his head forward to let himself be fed. The instant the ice cream was in his mouth, he flinched a little and scrunched his face up at the coldness.

[Daaaaaaaaamn-]

{AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-}

The mercenary covered his ears out of instinct, even though the screaming of his box was inside his head.

"Damn, Petey-pie, don't be so cute, I can't handle their screaming."

The brunette gently pried off the hands and pulled him into a kiss. "Hey. Give him a break, okay?"

[Is this really happening right now?]

{Aww, Petey is talking to us! Say hi from me!! And that I was the first one that said you should tap that aaaaaass~!}

Wade frowned a little, causing Peter to speak up again. "What are they saying?"

He grabbed Peter's hands on his face and fought back tears. "Hi. And yellow was the first one to like you."

"Hi to you too, maybe I should've said hi sooner. You guys are a part of Wade after all."

Wade let out a small sound and spoke for his boxes with Peter while eating and feeding him ice cream. As it turned out, the voices were behaving themselves to some degree and Wade got jealous with the way his boyfriend fell in love with his ice cream.

"God, Peter. You are so perfect." Wade sighed afterwards, after the sun went down and it was almost a bearable temperature.

The other only wrapped his legs around him in response.

"I mean, aside you being sexy as shit and being kinda nice to my boxes, you... you're just... somehow enduring me. No one ever spent that much time with me before and didn't run away or at least yell at me to shut the hell up like right now I'm rambling and-"

He was cut off by Peter biting him in the cheek. "I'm not enduring you. I love spending time with you, I like listening to you, you make me incredibly happy and you hung around longer than anyone else around my age, which was basically 'hey dude wanna fuck okay that was nice bye'. And I don't care if you're insecure and need me to tell you this more often. I will gladly do so."

Wade stayed silent for a few moments before his expression changed as if he just realized something.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

The man grinned and slung Peter's arms around his shoulders. "So this is love, hmm. So this is what makes life divine. I'm all aglow, and now I know the key to all heaven is mine. My heart has wings, and I can fly. I'll touch every star in the sky. So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of, hmm. So this is love... Ah, it's like I'm truly living the dream, Petey-pie!"

"So you love me with all your heart? After all, a dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep."

Wade giggled, turning his head enough to sweetly kiss his boyfriend. "We're such saps, quoting Cinderella like that!"

"You started it!" Peter pouted. "I only-"

The arachnid paused midsentence, staring towards the exit of the burrow.

"Wha-"

Peter held a hand out as a 'be quiet' and positioned his front legs to scrape against the floor. Wade could hear a faint hissing sound and observed his boyfriend slowly getting up.

"What's going on?" Wade whispered. 

What he certainly didn't expect, was Peter webbing his mouth shut. Before he could do anything else, was another arachne entering the burrow.

Larger, black legs scraped again against the ground, to which Peter responded with a hiss and scraping of his own.

 

_'Sorry, it's... like... spider flirting?'_

 

{Oooh! Kinky.}

[Maybe he will choose his own species after all.]

{Couldn't blame him, have you looked at our ugly mug recently??}

[Not really, we like our food staying inside us.]

{Hah, truuuuue!}

Involuntary tears sprang into Wade's eyes, but he remained still to watch the situation.

The other arachne creeped closer and put his front legs up, pushing them against Peter's. The brunette backed off so fast it seemed like he was actually jumping away, but the other only scraped once more against the floor.

Peter showed his fangs and lashed out, front legs up in a threatening position.

The black arachnid moved his legs to stroke them over Peter, the others trying to both keep him upright and pushing at legs Peter wanted to kick towards him. After a few seconds, the arachne backed off, staring.

Peter glared right back, hissing violently and lashing out again. This time, the other ran outside the burrow in response and drummed his legs against the entrance. The brunette ran right after, hissing as he passed Wade.

Wade blinked in surprise, wondering what the fuck was going on.

[Don't you get it? That is how his kind loves.]

{Soo... our sex should have been rougher?}

The mercenary shook his head, telling his boxes to _'SHUT UP!'_ and feeling the tears finally spill. He curled into himself and ripped off the webs from his face to let out a sob.

Before he knew it, was Peter standing in front of him with a sad look on his face.

"Wade..." he whispered, dropping down to pull him into a tight hug. "Please don't cry."

"But... you... a-and him a-a-and-" Too many thoughts were going on inside Wade.

Peter smiled and leaned in for a kiss. "Breathe. What is it?"

Wade did as told and took a few deep breaths. "What the fuck was that, y-you guys obviously did that spider flirting thing you told me of but still, I don't understand your spider communication and I'm just confused a-and- I thought you might l-leave me-"

The brunette shushed him with another kiss. "Then let me translate for you. Imagine it like... Hey dude, you wanna fuck? How about no. You sure because I need dating tips on how to do it with the ladies. Yes, I'm sure, now fuck off. Any tips for me bro? Don't break into places, now please fuck off. Oh, okay bye."

"No shit?" Wade snorted.

"No shit."

Wade thought for a moment. "Other arachne don't talk, do they?"

"No, hissing and drumming is enough for our conversations." Peter said, blushing a little.

"Okay, real talk spidey. How embarrassing was it to learn english?" Wade grinned.

"Very. I'm glad I could overcome the... uh... accent."

Wade broke out into a heavy laughter. "I would've _loved_ to hear that!"

"Sh-shut up." Peter's blush intensified. "Let's just get into bed and curse this fucking heat."


	11. Just a small town dude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello bois and gals, today again 2 chapters for the price of 1 because of reasons.  
> These reasons being I'll probably do witchy things on friday and have no idea if I wanna update afterwards :D

Time flew by like it was nothing.

Before Wade knew it, was the night of Halloween approaching.

"Wade!" Peter shouted excitedly from the distance. The arachne made his way through the busy street, and enjoyed the looks and compliments he got for his 'costume'. 

He ran up to Wade and jumped at him, showering his face with kisses.

"C'mon Pumpkin, I have a lot planned for tonight!" Wade said equally excited and tried to get Peter down.

"Mister Pool!" Another voice spoke up, and the two of them turned to an indian man.

"Dopinder!" Wade gave the man a high-five. "This is my boyfriend, Peter the arachne."

"Ohh, very good costume, Mr. Arachne." Dopinder said. "You too, Mr. Pool."

Wade looked down at himself. He was only wearing underwear and bandages, but people thought he was a realistic mummy.

They climbed into the cab and Peter had to lie down on his back, head on Wade's lap, and legs up into the air to fit inside without hurting himself. They drove for a few minutes before arriving at their destination.

"A-An amusement park?!" Peter gasped as he emerged from the taxi. "Wade, you-"

"Absolutely sexiest man alive? Coolest boyfriend of all times?"

"I choose both, but right now mostly second." Peter said and let himself be guided through. It was small, only temporarily set up for the halloween time, but the arachnid loved it.

The lights, the smells... it was too much and also not enough. Wade dragged him to every food stand and had him eat everything that wasn't usually that avaiable and according to Wade, just had to be eaten on Halloween.

The mercenary found out that the spider was going crazy over cotton candy. It dissolved so quickly that he could eat it like others, and was so full of sugar that the human worried his boyfriend would get a sugar shock any second.

"What's that?" Peter asked after his nth cotton candy serving.

"That's this really insane carousel!" Wade said and pulled the spider along to the people waiting in line. "It's fun!"

When it was their turn, had Peter finished his cotton candy and climbed with Wade into one of the seats. The arachne tucked in his legs except the front two, which he used to find extra grip to the seat. The bars to hold them in place came down and soon their seats were lifted into the air, spinning.

The two of them screamed in ecstasy as it got faster and faster. The brunette threw his arms up, and his front legs followed when he was sure he couldn't fall out. After some minutes when it slowed down again, he could see the mercenary had a weird expression.

The second it stopped, was Wade running like a mad man.

"...Wade?" Peter asked as he followed. He found his boyfriend leaning over a fence and could see everything they bought earlier at the food stands nearby on the ground.

The arachnid walked over and put a soothing hand to Wade's back.

"Y-You don't have to-" Wade hiccuped, pushing down a wave of nausea. "-ugh, stay. You can wait for me, I'll catch up."

"As if. Do you remember back when we met?" Peter laughed, and leaned with his back against the fence, waiting for Wade to empty his stomach before he continued. "The jerky incident?"

Wade spit onto the ground and groaned. "Oh yeah, you threw up on it to disgust me."

Peter smiled sweetly and ripped off a piece of Wade's bandages to wipe his mouth. "Exactly. I won't leave you because of a bit of vomit."

He threw the piece away and instead took Wade's hand as they moved on. "Though I have to say humans' smells utterly disgusting. To think that's inside your stomach... Ew."

Wade laughed. Finally, was something disgusting for Peter. And something actual disgusting on top of that, the spider's dislike of milk and dairy products doesn't count.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Wade and Peter turned to see a woman approaching them.

"Y-Yeah... I think I just lost 5 kilos of weight. But hey, summer body here I come!"

"Oh, was it because of the spinning devil? These things make me sick, too."

Wade nodded and leaned with his back against the fence.

"By the way, I really dig your costumes! They just look so _real_. I'm with my friends and they decided our motto is all sexy costumes." The woman sighed, showing off her costume as a sexy angel, short white dress and high heels to accompany the fluffy wings.

"Motto fullfilled I'd say." Wade answered, wiggling his eyebrows. "Where are your friends?"

"They're on the spinning devil. Afterwards we want to go for classic trick or treating. Do you guys want to come along? We could use your great costumes!"

"Sure! Petey and me wanted to go anyways!" Wade grinned and then looked at Peter, who had an unreadable expression on his face. "I'm Wade, by the way."

The woman nodded to them as greeting. 

"I'm Claire-" she stopped when she saw two pretty women walk towards them. "this is Hannah-" she pointed at a sexy nurse, "-and this is Irene." then pointed at a sexy police woman. "Hannah, Irene, these are Wade and Peter."

The girls greeted them and complimented their costumes.

"So, now that's settled." Claire clapped her hands. "Let's go! I want all the candy!!"

The group left the amusement park and a few minutes later arrived at the nearest streets.

"Hey, Peter. Why did you choose that costume? I think it's great, but I hate spiders because they're so creepy!" Claire asked as they made their way to the first house.

Peter blinked and did a small shrug.

"Aw, are you shy? No need to be, we won't bite!" Hannah cooed. 

"And I love spiders! Claire refuses to visit me because I own a pet tarantula. She almost looks like you." Irene added, throwing her arm around the arachnid.

The brunette instantly froze up and was glad that they were on the porch so he didn't have to move.

"Trick or treat!" the girls and Wade called out when the door opened. The couple on the other side smiled and complimented them, before filling their bags. Irene gave Peter a spare bag she had on her so he could collect his candy, while Wade had thought of his own.

"You're the silent type, huh?" Irene noted.

"Not popular with the ladies?" Hannah asked, moving to the other side of Peter. "Though I can't imagine that, you're quite handsome."

Peter swallowed, and suddenly could understand why people had gods and were praying to them.


	12. With a big city attitude

The night went on, and while Wade and Claire kept up light chatter were Irene and Hannah practically glued to Peter. They found him incredibly handsome and interesting, so they tried to squeeze every detail out of him.

Peter, thankful for his ability to quickly come up with lies, told them a made up lifestory that he was raised by overprotective parents and was home schooled, so that he wasn't that used to people and city life.

"So, what are you doing now?" Irene asked, her arm now off Peter when he confessed that he wasn't fond of touches.

"I, uh, took over my folks' lifestyle."

"Ohh, that sounds romantic. Living away from the city, growing food for yourself and enjoying nature..." Hannah sighed, probably imagining that kind of life herself.

"And how did you meet your friend Wade? I mean, he's such an extrovert and you're... not."

Peter glanced at the other man, smiling a little to himself. "He just walked into my life and refused to leave. He saw me and somehow decided to stick around and try to get me out of my shell." He almost chuckled at the inside joke he made about Wade changing their relationship when he actually helped him out of his shell aka exo skeleton.

"Aw, how adorable. Well, unfortunately that's Claire's house. It was really fun with you guys." Irene said, smiling happily.

"Yeah, maybe we could keep in touch?" Hannah asked with a wink. "Between us two, do you have... like... a favorite?"

Peter tilted his head in confusion and hesitated before just pointing at Hannah with his inner reasoning that she didn't touch him much.

"Yay!" Hannah cheered and skribbled down her number on a piece of paper, giving it to Peter before leaning in to give him a small kiss.

The motion of her mouth closing in was the drop to make everything inside him spill. He shrieked and ran off to Wade, climbing up his back and clinging to his neck, hiding his face there.

Wade immediately switched from friendly to deadly serious. He glared at the girls and noticed Hannah's kissy face along with her number in Peter's hands.

"Petey, you gotta learn to say properly no." he sighed and took the paper, ripping it. "Sorry, but this sexy arach-ass is mine, and mine only." 

He threw the shreds to the ground and gently patted Peter's arms around him. "Now shame to you to scare my poor boyfriend off like that."

With that, he turned and quickly made his leave without looking back.

 

\- ~ -

 

It was silent for most of their walk home. Peter continued to cling to Wade.

"P-Peter?" Wade eventually asked, hesitantly. "I... I don't know what to say except I'm sorry. I really am. I only cared about me and having fun and getting candy and I didn't even consider you might be feeling uncomfortable-" he rambled, causing Peter to finally look up.

"Wade-"

"I mean, shit, I saw them clinging to you and I never asked you how you handle other people and I was so selfish and thought maybe you liked it because they aren't these ugly accidents like someone fell into a mixer and-"

"Wade." Peter held the mercenary's mouth, making him shut up. "Wade, it's fine. I just have my issues and I need time to remember that human females aren't like arachne females, okay? I just freaked out when it got too far and my instincts told me to run before she eats me."

Wade sighed against the hand and murmured into it. "Still... I shouldn't have let that happen and I can't shake the feeling off that you deserve better than-"

Peter quickly removed his hands and climbed around to look at his boyfriend while still clinging to him. "I'm not stupid or some hermit. I know you don't look like the standard human dude or behave like one. I know killing people isn't okay for your kind but you do it anyways. I know you talk to voices in your head, and that you are basically everything humans don't consider as normal and healthy."

The mercenary looked at Peter with big, sad eyes. Being confronted with the truth like that hit him hard. 

"But, and now listen closely because that's the important part, I realized something today. I can never be truly myself around most people. I would scare and disgust them, maybe even deeply traumatize them. But with you? I can be myself and feel great. You make me so happy, Wade. And I really hope you're dating me because you love me too and not just because you think I might be your best chance of someone accepting you."

Wade choked on a breath and Peter could see tears falling down the scarred cheeks in thick waves. "P-Peter... I-I liked you before I knew you accept me. I love how you're just such a nerd and an idiot in the best way because I'm an idiot too! I love you for being you, not for what you are to me."

"We're both so disgustingly sweet." The arachne smiled. "Come on now, don't cry, it makes me want to cry too!"

The mercenary giggled and wiped at his face. "Fuck, I love you so damn much."

"I lov-"

The arachnid was interrupted by a loud crash. Right next to them, was a car crashing into another one, blocking the busy street.

Peter had barely the chance to hop off Wade and raise his legs threatening before cars were forced to hit the brakes too hard and lost control.

A large van drifted off towards them, and Peter was quick to stop it with his legs, stopping it effectively before it could reach them. 

"Peter!!" Wade cried out, seeing another car spinning towards them. He jumped in the way so the car hit him instead. The last thing he saw before passing out, due to his brain matter decorating the sidewalk, was the van getting a strong push from the car that hit Wade, causing it to crush Peter against the wall.

{BABY BOY!!}

[PETER!!]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I feel sorry for the cliffhanger? Eh.


	13. It's gonna take a lot to break it

Wade sat up with a gasp, holding his head. He looked down himself to notice most of his wounds had healed.

He looked around, taking in the chaos around him. Not much more damage was made, and he could hear emergency services trying to make it to the scene through the traffic.

"Shit! PETER!!" Wade jumped to his feet, ignoring the pain and dizzyness.

He ran to the white van that was shoved against the wall and tried to spot the arachnid. Wade kicked the vehicle as hard as he could to move it. With little success, he managed to at least create enough space to fit him through.

He crawled and squeezed himself into the gap, and there he was, pressed against the wall.

The mercenary carefully peeled his boyfriend off and dragged him outside, mindful of how the small gap almost squished him further.

He kneeled down and cradled the head in his lap, his hands gently touching him to look for the intensity of the injuries.

"Peter! Baby boy, can you hear me?!"

The arachnids main eyes flew open for a second and he flashed a short smile before falling back unconcious.

He wasted no second to scoop him up and drape him over his back, then ran as fast as he could to his apartment. After some minutes he reached his destination and laid Peter down on his bed. His fingers once again ran over the body.

[This doesn't look good.]

{OH GOD OUR LITTLE BABY BOY!! DON'T JUST STAND THERE DO SOMETHING!!}

Wade agreed and quickly retrieved his first aid kit from the bathroom to help. He cleaned blood from Peter's head and shoulders and bandaged him up. Dark bruises were starting to form on his whole body and the legs were a little off as they were curled towards the body.

He wrapped bandages over legs that looked bruised or hurt otherwise and sighed, hoping his tries weren't futile.

The rest of the night, he paced in front of the bed, begging and praying the other would be fine. Peter was breathing a little, and that was basically everything Wade could hold onto.

 

\- ~ -

 

Wade was crying his heart out in a corner of the room when Peter's eyes fluttered open again. The arachne lazily scanned the room and then his gaze settled on his boyfriend.

He tried to say something, to comfort Wade by letting him know he was okay, but all that escaped him was a cough.

"Peter?" came a raspy, strained response.

The mercenary stumbled towards the bed, a hand gently stroking the brown hair. "Are you okay?!"

He coughed again, croaking out a sound with it. He slowly nodded, even if the action caused his head to hurt like hell.

"Can I do anything for you, baby boy? Medicine? Soup? More bandages? Less bandages? Cuddles?"

Peter smiled a bit at 'cuddles' and then thought it over, making a drinking motion with sluggish arms.

He heard Wade disappear for a while, returning with a glass of water with a straw in it. He helped Peter sip half of the content, then gently climbed onto bed and hugged Peter close.

"'m stupid..." Peter coughed out after a short while.

"What? Why??"

"Sure Peter, go fight the van. 's not like you could've jus... jus' climbed up the wall or somethin'."

Wade huffed a laugh and kissed his boyfriend everywhere he wasn't bruised. "Hey, you did save me from the van. The real shit happened afterwards..."

Peter hummed, slowly turning his head to snuggle against Wade further.

"Anything else to help you, baby boy?"

"Nah... jus' lemme sleep..." The arachne slurred and fell right back into a deep sleep.

He had no idea how long he was out of it, but when he woke up, the sun about to go down. Everything felt clearer, unfortunately also the pain.

He tried to sit up a little, and felt the true aftermath of his injuries. He winced, startling the man still laying next to him.

"Hey, shh, you probably shouldn't move Petey-pie." Wade's voice reached him, shortly after followed by a hand gently caressing him. "Hold on, babe. I'll get you some pain killers."

Peter watched how the other sprang up and ran for said pills. 

 

\- ~ -

 

Wade rushed to the bathroom and searched through the cabinets for his pain killers. He found way too many empty bottles and eventually found one that rattled.

He held it against the light above the sink to see one small pill was left and then accidentely looked into the mirror.

The voices suddenly grew louder and louder, his ears ringing with their expected but still hurtful comments. 

{Fuck, man, we ate way too many of these things.}

[As if our pain could go away with this shit. What a waste of money.]

{Or as if we could kill ourselves with an overdose. What a way to waste pills Peter needs now!}

"SHUT UP!" Wade shouted angrily. He knew his boyfriend could have used them more than him. He fucking knew, no reason for his voices to taunt him to feel so guilty about the pain that Peter was in. He already felt like shit.

He turned away from his reflection and went back to the arachnid, who was waiting for him with curious eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did Petey hear Wade shout? yeah  
> Will he not speak about it, so he wont cause Wade to be kind of uncomfortable? yeah  
> Is he, in pain, already thinking about what he can do for him? HELL FUCKING YES


	14. Honey are you looking for some trouble tonight

"Sorry baby-boy, I don't have much left..." Wade sighed and helped his boyfriend to swallow the pill with some water.

"It's okay." Peter replied with a small smile.

"...How are you feeling?"

The arachne raised an eyebrow. "Like shit, but I'll be fine. Come here."

When Wade moved closer, did Peter pull him back into a tight hug. "Don't give me the kicked puppy eyes. Nothing of this is your fault."

"Pete-"

"No." he remained firm. "I blame my species and the driver who was distracted by a man hugging his arachnid boyfriend for the things that happend. You, Wade fucking Wilson, protected me, patched me up and do everything you can to care for me. Let me pay you back a bit!" he finished his speech with a chuckle.

"Why are you laughing?" Wade asked and then saw Peter move closer with his fangs exposed. "Oh. A _bit_. Hahah. How funny."

Peter could still see how his stupid pun cheered the other up from his pool of guilt and bit his boyfriend in the shoulder, injecting a dosis that would normally be lethal.

"Th-that's the good stuff. You're fucking amazing, babe." Wade slurred before falling unconcious.

Peter rolled his eyes and then cuddled close to sleep too, and heal his injuries.

 

\- ~ -

 

When Wade woke up from his blissful dream of warm, cozy nothing and complete silence, he found the bed empty and Peter gone. Confused and worried, he got up and searched for him.

He found Peter on the bathroom floor, bloody bandages around him.

"Pumpkin!"

"...what?" Peter asked back, tilting his head back to look at Wade upside down.

"What are you doing?! Darling, sweetie-pie, my dear little princess, you shouldn't be sitting on the cold floor! And you're hurt!"

The arachne snorted, turning his gaze back to the legs he was currently covering in webstrings. "We have a way bigger problem than that."

Wade froze, eyes going wide.

Peter sighed as he finished his web bandages to fixiate his legs while maintaining mobility. "We lost all the candy we collected, Wade!"

The mercenary gasped, hands clasping over his mouth. "Shit! You're right! All those treats are gone now, what will we do!"

The brunette laughed and stood up on shaky legs.

Wade reached out to take Peter's face in his hands. "Hey, spider-babe, easy."

"I'm not a delicate flower or your mom's fine china." Peter huffed, but somewhat complied and crawled up Wade's back to partially lay on his shoulders.

Wade grinned and slowly danced around with the arachnid on his back as he broke out into a song. "Crazy~ I'm crazy for feeling so lonely~! I'm crazy~ I'm crazy for feeling so blue~!"

He danced towards the living room, spinning gently in case the arachnid would be sensitive.

"I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted! And then someday you'd leave me for somebody new."

He felt Peter crawl around to sling his arms around his neck in a slow-dance style and saw him smile softly.

"Worry~ Why do I let myself worry? Wondering what in the world did I do? Crazy~ For thinking that my love could hold you~! I'm crazy for trying, and crazy for crying, and I'm crazy for loving you~!" 

The sunlight of early morning shone through, making it seem like Peter and Wade were shining as they twirled around.

"Crazy~ For thinking that my love could hold you~! I'm crazy for trying, and crazy for crying, and I'm crazy for loving you~!"

"And I love your crazy." Peter giggled and leaned in to sweetly kiss the other. 

"Aww! My little spiderling is in love!" Wade cooed, pressing small kisses to every spot he could reach that wasn't bruised.

The brunette huffed a laugh and shook his head. "Yeah. And while all of this is kind of fucked up, I wouldn't change a thing."

Wade smiled happily and felt his eyes water. "You know how to make guy cry, Peter. When will our sappy as shit phase end??"

"Hopefully never, I think I like that expression on you." Peter confessed, pulling him into another kiss.

 

\- ~ -

 

"Please tell me you didn't invite people." Peter said the next day, laying in bed to let his legs heal properly.

"I would never, Petey-pie! Your ass is mine. And I got the impression you normally don't like people much." Wade answered and got up, pulling on sweatpants and a hoodie he threw on to cover most of his skin. He walked to the door and shortly after returned with a large box.

The brunette sat up properly, watching in curiosity when Wade opened it on the bed. The box was filled to the brim with candy, ranging from different local kinds to different popular candies from other countries.

"W-Wade..." Peter basically jumped into the box to scan the labels and guess what was inside.

"Sweets, Scrubs and chill?" Wade asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

The arachnid huffed a laugh. "Sounds perfect to me."

 

-~-

 

Days went by, and Peter got back to perfect health. His injuries turned out to be limited to 'only' heavy bruising and a mild concussion.

Once he was healed, did Wade pick up missions again.

Peter didn't mention how much it worried him. He would try to busy himself with things, trying to not think about how dangerous Wade's job was, healing factor aside because he was still getting _hurt_. And Peter knew that Wade's healing factor didn't mean he doesn't feel pain.

Quite the opposite. His boyfriend was in constant pain.

It helped Peter to know his venom was helping him more than any medicine Wade tried before could. He was glad to help him on bad days, to be able to make him sleep it out.  
Point being, when Wade went on missions, he hurt himself and Peter couldn't help right away.

He was hanging in a web on the living room ceiling, watching a shitty 80's rom-com when the door slammed open. He turned his head and choked out a pained noise at the sight.

Wade was limping inside, throwing his keys on the table and then let himself fall down on the couch.

"Wade..." Peter whined, his front legs turning the body over. "You look like shit, dude."

And he did. Half of his head was openly displaying the skull and some parts even showed his brain. His right leg was bend in an abnormal way, and shit was he missing an arm there??

But Wade just smiled up at the spider.

"Thanks."

Peter rolled his eyes, but decided to not let the other bleed out on the couch. He crawled down to the backrest of the couch and quickly spinned webstrings. With expertise, his front legs moved his boyfriend as other legs covered him in the webs tight enough to hold everything together. He spinned a make-shift bandage for the head, the shoulder where the arm was appearantly cut off, and covered the leg in enough webbing to turn it into a cast.

"You don't have to do this, baby boy." Wade said, inspecting the work. "Don't waste your webs on lil' old me, it'll heal."

As a finishing touch, Peter bit Wade in the neck as gently as you could bite someone, and injecting a little bit of his venom to ease the pain.

"Wade. On you, it's never wasted." he smiled back and then started to massage the other with his front legs to soften the stiff muscles. "What happened?"

"Oho, don't even get me started. My target was the owner of that big ass company across the city that harassed basically all the women working there. Well, I was hired because he was doing drug-business shit but hey who gives a shit about that?"

Wade started to rant, and Peter felt a fire begin to burn within.

"So I went over and, surprise surprise, he somehow knew I would be coming over and was all prepared. Dunno what kind of bodyguards he had, but they were strong as shit. Like, holy fucking shit. They managed it to tie me up in the not-so-fun way and that dickhead personally wanted to get back at me. He was really surprised to learn about my healing factor! So, long story short, I was hacked up a bit and escaped, then humpty-dumpty put himself together and tried to kill the fucker, who used his poor secretary as shield when I tried to blow his nuts off and then he escaped."

The fire burned brightly.

"So yeah, I was like totally pissed and wanted to track him down but out of nowhere appeared new bodyguards- where the fuck did he even get so many? I mean- no- back to story Wade- so they showed up and beat me to the beautiful figure I am right now. I decided to just fuck it, hurt that dick later, and returned home to my sweet little spider-babe."

"No, I can't stand this..." Peter muttered to himself loud enough that Wade heard it before he climbed off the couch and scuttled towards the bedroom.

 

\- ~ -

 

Wade felt his heart sink. 

[I think we fucked up with that one.]

{But why?? Were we too bloody? Did he just realize we unalive people?!}

[He already knew that.]

{Oh, right. Haha.}

[I think it's because he's sick of seeing us hurt.]

{Yeah... that sounds about right...}

"Maybe he isn't lost. Maybe I have another chance?"

[At fucking up?]

"ABOUT DOING IT RIGHT!" Wade shouted and sprang up. He was impressed that Peter's webs could support his weight on the broken leg and followed the arachne to the bedroom. 

It was empty.

{Fucking spiders and their houdini trick!!}

[The window wasn't open before. He left us.]

"No... that can't be... Petey-pie... don't leave me alone... I-I... shit..."

Where were his weapons when he needed them??

[He won't come back. He left us for good.]

{It was so beautiful while it lasted, though!}

[Why were we even thinking he could stand us for that long?]

{Truuueeee! He should get a medal for enduring us!}

Wade dropped to the floor, crying. He cried because of Peter more by now than he has over anyone else. Loved him more than anything else. And now he was gone.

He had fucked up.


	15. What that loaded gun is for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the late update, I was working overtime the whole week so far and had barely time for anything...
> 
> ((also sorry for the now outdated memes, they were fresh when I wrote this))

It was around three in the morning when Peter was climbing in through the window. He had hoped to find his boyfriend asleep in bed, but he knew Wade wouldn't be able to sleep properly without him by his side. 

He was fairly certain that the man was in the living room, though. But he found it empty. 

The TV was off, the couch cold.

He picked up noises coming from the bathroom and turned to carefully open the door. Peter had always let Wade have his privacy in the bathroom, but the sound was somehow too unnerving to let him be.

"Wade?"

When no answer came, he pushed the door open and gasped. The bottom of the bathtub was filled with blood, the walls were covered and within it all sat Wade with a gun in hand.

"Oh no..." Peter said and stepped closer. "What did you do...?"

He gently took Wade's head in his hands and inspected several holes in the skull. His stomach dropped to the absolute bottom. He couldn't believe the second he was away was Wade trying his best to kill himself.

Peter choked on a sob and turned the water of the shower handle on to wash the mess away. He stripped Wade naked and cleaned everything he could.

He also removed his webs, noticing that the wounds from earlier that night had healed.

When he was renewing webs around the other's head, was Wade finally stirring. The mercenary instantly started to cry out and tried to raise the weapon to his head again, only to find his hand empty now. He opened his eyes and caught the sight of Peter looming over him, front legs and hands on his face and a concerned look directed at him.

"Wade."

"No! Oh god, please, no, don't do this to me..." Wade cried harder. "Please don't give me this illusion, it already hurts too much, where is my gun, WHY CAN'T I JUST DIE ALREADY-"

"WADE!" Peter screamed with a hiss. "What the fuck is all of this?!"

When Wade flinched, he did the same and realized his mistake. He pressed his forehead against Wade's and exhaled, letting his breath ghost against him.

"Listen to me. And listen to my voice only, ignore the others for a moment. Whatever is going on right now, please know that I'm here for you. Talk to me, tell me what's wrong. I promise nothing you could say would make me go away."

Wade shook his head, still crying. "You're not real. You're just a shitty imagination from my brain to fuck with me."

"Then talk to the Peter imagination. What's wrong? ...Do you think everything was a lie?" Peter asked in a soft tone.

"The real Peter... he left. I fucked up. I don't know what it was, I can think of so many things... Yellow said he should get a medal for even staying with me for that long."

Peter let out a heavy sigh. "You didn't, Wade. You didn't fuck up anything."

When Wade laughed at that, he gave him a sad smile.

"You know me by now, I may act on impulse sometimes but I would never leave without a word or at least trying to eat you if I truly had enough of you."

"Maybe you're right..." Wade calmed down a bit and wiped his tears away. "You're still here..."

"I came back, I'm still here, and I don't intend on leaving." Peter smiled, pressing a kiss against Wade.

"Peter!!" Wade cried out, tears falling again as he hugged the arachnid tightly. "It really is you! Fuck, I'm so sorry, please don't go..."

The brunette leaned to the side to grab a towel and wrapped it around the other man before lifting him with ease and carrying him to bed. He curled up with Wade and rubbed him dry. "I won't. Promise."

"I hope the fuck you do, you be a dead son of a bitch I tell you that." Wade said with a small grin.

"Vine is dead, Wade." Peter shook his head.

Wade gasped at that and moved in a bit closer. "But what else should I be quoting, my sugar bun??"

"I don't know, memes? You know, Improvise. Adapt. Overcome."

"Fuck outta here boi, get that weak shit outta here." Wade replied with a wide grin, acting as if he was slapping Peter.

"Okay, you win." Peter chuckled. "God, look at us. Two grown men spending way too much time on the internet and quoting shit when they should be discussing a serious matter. This is so sad, Alexa play despacito."

"Oh Petey-pie, I'm just unbelievably happy we both have the same shitty taste. Wait. What serious matter?" Wade asked hesitantly, fear rushing back.

"You killing yourself? Thinking I'm not real?"

Wade flushed in embarassment and hid his face under Peter's chin in the skinny but firm chest. "I thought... I thought you left me, Pete. That I fucked up. It hurt so much, I couldn't do it, so I tried to stop this feeling and silence the voices and-" 

Peter intervened when he noticed Wade getting all worked up and stroked the bald head lovingly. "Shh, babe, I'm here now. It's okay."

"I-I just realized I never want to live without you in my life so... yeah..."

"Oh, Wade..." The brunette showered the other with little kisses. "Please, for me, don't do that again. Because honestly? I don't want to live without you either and every time you get hurt there's this fear inside me... and... I don't want to lose you."

"Yeah, it's scary how addicted we are." Wade agreed. "That's why I couldn't believe you actually came back and thought it was my mind unable to cope with losing you forever."

Peter hummed, understanding. He curled his legs around the other to pull him even closer.

"But... if you didn't decide to ditch me... why were you leaving? I heard you say you can't stand it anymore and thought... well, you know..."

The arachnid blinked a few times before laughing out loud. "Shit, that really came out the wrong way, huh. I swear I didn't mean it like that. I'll explain it tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." Wade agreed, feeling his eyelids getting heavy after all the emotional turmoil.


	16. If you can give it

The morning after was calm.

Wade made breakfast and scrolled through his phone as Peter sipped his tea. The mercenary was just about to ask what Peter was up to the night before after all when an article caught his attention.

"Hey, the dickhead from yesterday died after all! He was found not far from his house, police says he was probably killed by... poisoning? _'The poison found in the victim's body is currently being examined, though so far it could not be identified.'_ ...Peter?"

The arachne smirked behind his mug. "Like you heard me say, I couldn't stand it. Nobody hurts my boyfriend and gets away with it."

"Aww!" Wade cooed. "Darling, you shouldn't have!"

"It was no problem, honey."

"Okay, but one thing." Wade suddenly went serious. "Did you do that houdini spider trick? Is that really a thing? How do you guys do it?"

"Houdini trick?" Peter asked, completely confused.

Wade rolled his eyes dramatically. "Like, you see a spider, look away for one second, and whoosh! They're gone."

"Ohh, I think I know what you mean!" Peter laughed. "You mean something like this?" 

He pointed to the other side of the room. Wade turned and wondered for a second what his boyfriend meant before turning back and noticing the bed was empty. Instead, the arachne was on the wall, still sipping his tea.

"Yes! Yes, exactly that, you creepy fuck!"

Peter slowly crawled back down into bed. "To answer your question: Yes, I did that last night, it's a thing, and sorry but this secret is only passed on to fellow arachnida."

"And their walking accidents they call boyfriend??"

"Ehh, no." Peter grinned. "But maybe their very attractive happy accident they call boyfriend."

"Tell me you didn't just Bob Ross me- I mean- Bob? Really?? God, I love you so damn much!"

"Okay. It goes like this." The brunette lifted his back legs and placed them against the wall. "I feel vibrations way better than humans and have a great sense for balance, so when you shift and create movement, I can use that moment to move myself without you noticing."

He waited for a moment where Wade was shifting on the bed and jumped back on the wall.

"W-Woah!" Wade gasped. "That's so cool!"

"You know what? Maybe I should teach you tricks like that. They can be very useful." Peter chuckled. "I'd be glad if you get... less hurt... doing your job."

Wade brought his hand to his chest and sighed in affection. "You are the cutest lil' spider I've ever had the pleasure of meeting."

 

\- ~ -

 

"Hey. Peter."

"Hm?" Peter hummed in question as he was laying in bed with Wade.

After october, the temperatures quickly fell and now, it being mid-december, it was rather cold. Wade endearingly liked to remind Peter of said fact, saying every few minutes that it was cold as fuck and cuddled closer to the other.

"Did you hear that gay marriage is legal now in the US?"

"Ugh... Really now?"

"Yep... You wanna get married?"

Peter glared at his boyfriend sourly. "Wade. Vine is still dead. And if this is some sort of shittiest proposal in the history of mankind, then I will search myself a tree I can hibernate in."

"Aw, but Petey-"

"No buts. Gay marriage has been legal for years, by the way." Peter rolled his main eyes.

Wade pouted in return, pulling the blanket up to his face.

"Wade, don't be like that. Come on."

The arachnid shifted to crawl on top of Wade as he remained silent, still pouting.

"Wade." Peter sighed. "Wade. Hey. Babe?"

"B-Babe?" Wade asked, dropping the act. It was a very rare occaison when the arachne was calling him something sweet.

"There you are, darling." Peter teased.

He pulled the mercenary close and pressed his lips against him. "So? Were you joking?"

Wade gasped. "I would never joke around when it comes to our relationship!"

"Then... see you in spring." Peter turned and started to climb out of the window.

"What! Peter!!" Wade ran after, pulling at one of the other's legs. "Honey, you can't jus-"

"Hey!"

Wade shrieked in surprise and let go when his bedroom door was kicked in. None other than Tony Stark was standing there, arms crossed.

"Why do you own a phone if you don't answer your messages?!" he started to rant. "You can't- uh- is that...?" 

Iron-man pointed at Peter, who turned to listen with curiosity, now only holding his upper body up on the windowsill.

"Are you fucking pushing someone out of your window??"

"No? He was climbing out, but- hey! Iron-dildo! Get the hell out of my apartment!"

"Who are you, boy?" Tony raised an eyebrow and stepped a bit closer. "Are you okay?"

Peter nodded, ducking his head in a shy way. "N-Name's Peter, Mr. Stark. I- uh, I'm a big fan of your work."

Iron-man smiled at that. "Then why are you with someone like Deadpool, Peter? Is he threatening you?"

"Deadpool?" Peter asked, before it dawned him. "Oh. No, I like Wade. Uh, with work I meant your technological achievements, Mr. Stark."

"God, Petey, you're such a nerd!"

"Thanks, I guess? Anyways, Wade, there is still a mission you need to-"

Wade crossed his arms. "No. I won't come. I have my lil' Pete here and I will not leave him alone for some stupid mission you guys don't have the guts and bullets to do."

Peter climbed a little bit back up, so that he could lean on the windowsill with better grip. "Wade, maybe you should go. That is, if you could maybe... uh... take something with you?"

"I know where this is going, Peter. And I am not happy. But okay sweetie, since it's you." Wade answered, searching around, then handing Tony what looked like a little robotic spider. "The nerd made it. And don't you dare to not be impressed!"

"I will take a closer look later. But it looks really advanced. Are you studying in this field?"

Peter shook his head at the same time Wade was slinging an arm around Iron-man's shoulders. "Petey-pie taught himself everything!"

The arachne blushed when Tony gave an impressed whistle. "If you wouldn't be with this idiot, I'd not even hesitate to offer you a job. We could use a mind like yours."

"Then hesitate. I could only do home office anyways." Peter grinned.

"Huh. I'll get back to you, Peter. Wade?"

The mercenary nodded and blew Peter a kiss before leaving together with Iron man.

Peter waited a moment before he finally climbed back down, ran off into the forest and then sighed heavily. He quickly pulled out his phone and texted his boyfriend.

 

_I never knew your hero name is Deadpool!_

_Hey! Anti-hero for you, missy! >:[ _

_If you ever call me that again, I will force myself to create an actually lethal venom for you._

_Don't threaten me, baby boy! You know it turns me on ;)_

_Life's tough._

_You are a very cruel creature..._

_Thanks. Oh hey, I think that's my tree!_

_PETER DON'T YOU DARE_  
_PETER_  
_ANSWER ME!!!_

 

Peter huffed a laugh and pocketed his phone deciding what to do. Of course, he didn't use a tree to hibernate in and just returned home.

But as he entered his burrow, it was colder and darker than he thought. It all had a weird feeling to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooh, another cliffhanger!
> 
> (Don't tell anyone, I love this whole thing, but I'm so excited we're getting near my favorite chapter!!!)


	17. If I could turn back time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello, why the different chapter title? Is this a super secret hint of what will come now?? OR NOT THAT SECRET?! #Flashbacktime!!!

"Peter..." Wade sniffed on the way back. The job was relatively quick, so it was barely late afternoon when he finished everything up.

"Would you stop crying already?" Tony asked, incredibly fed up with the other's whining after hours. He had to admit, this Peter seemed like a genius and his little toy was incredible, but he cursed him for having such a control over the merc. 

"Thank god we're here." Tony sighed as they finally entered the apartment.

"Peter's actually gone... My life is ending, I can see it!" Wade cried out, dramatically dropping down to the floor.

Iron man groaned in annoyance. "Was he actually climbing out of your window?"

"I-I think so..."

"Why?"

"He didn't like my proposal."

"Wait. You two are-" Tony stopped, thinking it over. "Now I'm just impressed that he puts up with... everything that's you. If you see him again, tell him he's got the job."

With that, Wade was alone in his apartment. He slowly sat up and texted Peter to see just how much he was still pissed about the proposal.

 

_Hey babe, are you still mad?_

_Until I get a proper proposal to make up for it, yes._

_So... are you coming home? Should I come pick you up?_

_Sounds good, but I'm in the city right now._

_WHAT_  
ARE  
YOU  
DOING  
IN  
THE  
FUCKING  
CITY  
Are you cheating on me??

_No, just getting fat. Come over, I'll send the adress._

 

Wade stared at the screen for a few minutes before he called Dopinder to drive him. He wondered what his eight-legged boyfriend was doing, aside appearantly eating. 

 

-~-

 

Once he arrived at the given adress, he was surprised to see it wasn't a horror restaurant or anything, but a normal looking house. He ringed the doorbell reading 'Parker' and his eyes went wide when an elderly woman opened the door.

"Uhm, hi? Sorry to disturb you lady, I think I got the wrong adress-"

"You must be Wade." she grinned. "No need to call me lady. I'm May. Come in!"

May brought them to the kitchen where was Peter at the table, stuffing his face. "Hey Wade!" he muffled.

"I made pie. Do you want some?" May asked, preparing a plate.

The mercenary thanked her and sat at the table. "Peter. Since when do spiders get food from old ladies?!"

"You haven't told him of me?!" May asked instead, hand to her chest. "Peter Parker, I am disappointed in you."

"Wait. Parker? Like-" Wade looked between the two, mouth open.

"We just never talked about it. Wade never said anything about his family either." Peter shrugged. "Wade, this is my aunt May. Aunt May, this is mate Wade."

Wade got his plate and started to eat while shaking his head. "Either your aunt is missing some legs, or your parents have some explaining to do."

May laughed heartedly at that. "No, I just happened to find him in the woods after he got hurt. I nursed him back to health and in the end he stayed for a few years before I released him back into the wild."

"Without my aunt May, I wouldn't know of Dirty Dancing and my name would actually be click-click-hiss-hiss." Peter mused. "Not that I would change anything. I like human stuff."

"Okay, wow. First off, how fucking sweet is it that you're calling the human that helped you your family. Second, do you have a spider name or is it really just Peter? And third, the most importantly, where the hell were your parents?? Wasn't mommy spider around to kiss your boo-boos?" Wade ranted, noticing how Peter flinched at the last sentence.

Aunt May excused herself and let Peter and Wade talk in peace.

"Well... uh... I don't have a name. Like I told you before, we aren't a very social kind, so there's no need. And... you do remember your encounter with a female? Spider moms aren't different, as far as I know my mom ate my dad after mating."

"Oh Petey." Wade sighed, leaning his head against his shoulder. "Thanks for telling me anyway. You're right, we never talked about family, so... Wanna hear my story?"

Before Peter could say anything, was Wade sighing heavily and then told him everything from his childhood to his time in the special forces up until he became what he is now. The arachne held him close, petting his face while listening.

"Guess we're both fucked up." Peter noted after Wade finished. "But in my opinion we match."

"I totally agree. Me and all of my crazy love you so damn much, Peter." Wade said and acted like he was swooning. "So... how was it staying the first time with humans? I imagine an angry lil' Spidey hissing and jumping around avoiding a bath."

"More or less..." Peter laughed.

 

\- ~ - 

 

"Come on, you promised me a romantic picnic in the forest, Ben."

"The rumors about these huge man-eating spiders don't scare you, huh?"

"Oh, please."

"Okay, okay. I did promise you, honey."

The couple packed their things and drove off until they reached the forest. They admired the nature and took a walk around before settling down on a clearing and started their picnic.

"It's so beautiful here. Maybe the rumors are a good thing, too many people tend to bring parts of their home elsewhere."

Benjamin nodded in agreement. "Speaking of, let's not forget any trash here."

After hours, well past midday, they decided to head back. May trusted her husband to guide them back to their car, or at least she thought so until she heard shots.

"What the-"

"It's not hunting season..." Ben added, spotting the man firing. "Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing??"

The man turned and ran towards them with an expression of shock and pure terror. "Wh-Wha- Y-You shouldn't be here! Run! They're f-fucking e-e-everywhere!!"

"Language." May scolded in a calm voice. "Now, why should we run?"

The hunter shook his head wildly. "Th-the spiders!!! Th-they just kill-"

He broke off when he heard something ran through the thick bushes and ran after. "JUST RUN!!"

May and Ben looked at each other, not sure if they should believe him anything or report a crazy man running around shooting at nothing. For the moment, they continued their way.

Suddenly, May tripped over something and landed in the mud. "What-" She turned around and saw the tree branch retreat into the bush.

"Ben... since when can branches move?"

"They can't." he answered and stuck his hands into the bush to reveal... a half-spider, half-boy.

The child widened his eyes in shock and hissed at him, curling his legs under his body aside the front legs, which he raised in threat. Blood was running down the child's body and he was shuddering violently, though it was not that cold.

"Oh, Ben. Look at that poor thing!" May said as she joined her husband. "We can't leave him like that!"


	18. If I could find a way

The boy had not much energy left and could only hiss at the pair as they wrapped him up in their picnic blanket and carried him into the car.

May held the boy close and tried to soothe him, but any tries of touching him resulted in flinching or gasps of fear. Once back at home, they unwrapped him on the bed in the guest room and checked for injuries.

The child was trying to curl up and play dead as they touched him. A wound on his shoulder was the cause of the bleeding, which Ben could identify being from a bullet that just barely missed going through the shoulder. The spider legs were mostly fine, maybe some were sprained but it was hard to tell. Aside that, the arachnid abdomen had big patches that were completely hairless.

May bandaged the boy up and got a new, clean blanket to wrap around him. "You're safe now. We wont hurt you."

The boy still tried to play dead, but they noticed how he tried to conceal a panic attack.

"Okay. Maybe we should think like a spider." Ben suggested.

"Fudge!" May immediately unwrapped him. "Spiders wrap food in their webs!"

Ben winced and tried to think of ways to make the child somewhat comfortable. "I think Richard left a book about Tarantulas the last time he and Mary visited."

May decided that if contact wasn't a good idea, she should seal up the room and leave the boy to calm down. She locked the windows and drew the curtains shut, only leaving on a dim light as she left and locked the door as well.

"Found anything?" she asked when entering the living room.

Benjamin nodded. "The kid was defending with everything he had. The bald patches are from flicking his hairs towards attackers. He's probably playing dead now after using up all of his venom and hairs."

"Aw, the poor thing." May sighed, sitting down next to him. "What should we do? I can't... I can't just throw the child back into the forest!"

Ben gave her a look of sympathy and put his hand on her shoulder. "I know. But keeping him would be very hard. Different species or not, he'd still be a feral child. And it's not like he could go to school and be a like a human child."

"Are you saying we should let him get killed in that forest?!"

"I'm asking if you're okay with the difficulties that kid will bring."

May smiled and hugged Ben tightly in relief. "So what should we name him?"

 

\- ~ -

 

"Oh Peter." May sighed once she opened the door fully. Over the last two days, they had only opened the door enough to leave food, both cooked meals and raw flesh, and closed the door before the kid could see them.

Now, May could see the full chaos. The ceiling light was destroyed, leaving the room dark and only illuminated from the hallway. The bed covers were attached to the ceiling in a ball and the bed itself was turned over, as well as the other furniture was thrown around.

From the ball of webs and fabric on the ceiling she could see eyes staring her down.

May noticed how the cooked meals were left untouched, while the meat was gone. "Okay, first things first."

She quickly left to get the minced meat left in the fridge and then walked up right under the small hideout. Peter, against what May would have assumed, jumped out with his fangs bared, his front legs up.

She more or less threw the meat against him and could barely stop him from running back into the burrow.

"No." May scolded, still in a warm tone. "First, injuries and a bath."

With that, she scooped the arachne up and carried him to the bathroom. Peter however, ditched the food to hiss loudly at her and bit her several times. To her luck, Peter could still only dry bite.

May still managed to fill the tub halfway and then tried to gently lower Peter into the water. The boy resisted and supported himself with his legs on either side of the tub, hissing in panic.

"Come on, its- only- water!" she said, finally pushing him down. "You're a very strong boy, Peter. I give you that."

However, her triumph didn't last long as Peter trashed around, coughing and heaving. He quickly flipped on his back and pushed the water out of his book lungs.

"Ah!" May hit her head with her hand. "Spider anatomy. Right."

She then carefully washed his hair and body until getting him out and on a towel. With May towering over him, Peter quickly tried to curl up on the towel.

"It's fine. I wont hurt you." May tried in a soothing tone, drumming her fingers on the towel. She beamed a smile when Peter uncurled a little and drummed back with his legs.

 

\- ~ -

 

Over the next weeks, they worked out a simple system and Peter warmed up to the two humans. Things like two drums for food, three to get him to crawl out of his burrow, etc.

The pair noticed how Peter was jumpier around May, due to his instincts. But in general, he could learn to interact with them and all of his wounds healed just fine.

One day, Benjamin recognized Peter's full intelligence after the boy observed and understood the concept of names by himself. Soon after, he had them teaching him on how to speak and act like a human.

And so, before they knew it, 10 years went by and Peter was too big to curl up on the couch. He developed his own personality, which had them grinning how sweet he was. He had his own interests, them being taking apart everything and understanding how they worked. May was getting him new books from the library almost daily, and soon enough he had a picture book about the forest in his hands.

"Aunt May."

"Yes, Peter?" May asked, watching TV next to him.

"I want..." he paused for several minutes. "I want to go. To the forest. ... I want to go... home."

May nodded in understanding. "We promise to visit sometimes?"

Peter nodded eagerly. "Of course! I would never leave you and Uncle Ben behind!"

 

\- ~ - 

 

Peter heard three drums outside his burrow and crawled out to greet Aunt May and Uncle Ben.

"Happy 15th Birthday, Pete." they cheered. "Sorry we couldn't visit you much this year. How's life in the forest?"

"Great. I found this shed nearby, maybe I will integrate it into the next burrow..."


	19. won't be long till your hands are tied

Wade looked around, nervous to ask. "S-So... where's your uncle now?"

Peter shook his head, and Wade instantly understood. "Sorry to hear that. But... if you were raised with these sweet folks, how come you were so... aggressive when we met?"

"Because you were out to kill me?" Peter deadpanned. "I don't normally kill, or like it for that matter, but I do defend myself when being hunted."

"Okay. Yeah. That makes sense." Wade answered, looking outside. "It's getting quite late, honeybun. Wanna show me your old room?" he asked with a suggestive wink.

"Only if I won't hear any of it." May commented as she returned to the kitchen. Upon seeing Peter blush, she just chuckled.

Wade beamed at her and took Peter's hand to lead him away. Once in the room, could the merc only stop and stare. "Will my apartment look like this in 10 years too??"

"No." Peter mused as he looked around. Small tech devices and parts were covering every surface and partly the floor, books were stuffed into random shelves and the ceiling was littered with old webstrings. "Okay, maybe. Aunt May told me at some point that she wouldn't clean up after me anymore, so... yeah, it shows."

"I was wondering where you build your stuff." Wade only responded, trying to not step on something. "No bed? That ruins almost everything I had planned from here on."

Peter huffed a laugh and opened a drawer to pull out blankets. "Hold on."

In a matter of minutes, had Peter build hideout on the ceiling with a rope ladder leading up for Wade to climb. The human quickly joined his boyfriend and giggled happily. "It's like a pillow fort slash hammock!"

Peter grinned and pulled the other into a kiss. 

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot!" Wade gasped. "Iron dick offered you a job after all. You should give your nerd-crush a call tomorrow."

"Really?! Awesome!!!"

 

\- ~ -

 

"Yes?"

"H-Hello, Mr. Stark! Th-this is Peter. Wade told me about a job offer...?"

"Ah, yes. I did some research on you, Peter. Or whoever you are, anyways. Can't say I found anything."

Peter gulped. "I- uh- I'm not registered anywhere, sir. I don't exist on paper..."

"Okay, then I'll have to ask you myself, since you said you could only do home office. Let's see... full name?"

"Peter Benjamin Parker."

"Birthday and -place?"

"Unknown. I count the day I was adopted, that's the 15th of August. I was born in the huge forest outside the city."

"What the... I'll just say in this city, it's good enough. I take it you don't have any ID or bank account?"

"No, sir."

"Alright. I'll take care of it if you don't mind."

"That'd be great, sir."

"Education?"

"Home schooled. Took some online classes. But nothing official."

"Alright, thanks. That's all I need. Now, why can you only work from home?"

"I- uh..." Peter hesitated. He was basically telling Iron-man the truth. He just delicately left things out. He should be honest with his future boss and idol. "I'm not good around people... I..."

"Nothing you say could change my offer, Peter." Tony said on the other side calmly. "Mental problems might be checked before, but that's it."

"Okay... thank you, sir. I-It's just... I am quite used to the forest... if you understand..."

"You..." Tony paused on the other line, before giving a sigh. "Had a hermit lifestyle? Hippie parents?"

"No, sir." Peter gave in. No need to hide it now. "I had no parents to raise me. I-I have been feral until I was four or five..."

"...oh. Oh. I see. Uh, I'm impressed of your... skills, to be honest. I heard feral children have troubles adapting and learning."

"I did. But I'm fine, except not being that social. If you still want me..."

"Of course. I noticed that you're brilliant and being able to handle Deadpool... just wow. If you don't mind we'll set a appointment for a test to know in which department you fit best. Any interests?"

"Biochem, sir." Peter said immediately. "I know it's impossible, though. It's not like you could move a lab to my place."

"We will find a way to fulfill both our interests."

"Th-thank you, sir."

"Alright. I will send you everything needed. It's nice to have you on board, Peter."

Peter said his goodbye's and then grinned at Wade. "I got the job!"

"YAY!!" Wade cheered and scooped him up to spin them around. "Then we have to find a new apartment! That is... if you want to move in with me... I totally understand if you want your forest."

Peter hummed in thought. "I want both? I wouldn't be that happy staying all my life in the city, but the thought of living with you..."

Wade hummed along, then sprang up when it hit him. "I know what we'll do!"

 

\- ~ -

 

"Peter... when I suggested we build a tree house slash spider burrow in the forest, I did mean to emphazise the 'we'."

"No." Peter stayed firm on the other side of the line. They decided to move to the forest, and the arachne insisted to build it alone.

"But-"

"No. I want to surprise you. Besides, I'm almost done."

"U-huh. By the way, Tony came over today to bring you all the equipment. Gave this whole 'sad sympathy' look when I told him we moved into a hideout in the forest."

"Great. More to move." Peter sighed. "But I still can't believe everything I get."

"I can't believe how you want to study yourself."

" _YOU_ told him that arachne exist!! And excuse me that my cheap microscope I got for my 12th Birthday can't help much explain on how my venom works chemically!"

"Oh, right. That was me. But you have to say, the fangs do look cool on the wall."

"As cool as your milk teeth framed on the wall. Really impressive." Peter said, faking being annoyed. "Just prepare to move your shit in about a week."


	20. come on baby show me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey ho gurls, boys, ladyboys and reptiloids!  
> I'm wrapping this story up today in 2 chapters.
> 
> Maybe a epilogue follows but meh, I'm not sure...

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"..." - "Are we there yet?"

"No."

"...and now? Are we there yet?"

Peter breathed in and out, trying hard to keep his self control. Wade had been sitting on his abdomen, clinging to his shoulders, as they moved through the forest. In his arms where the last boxes to move and Peter decided to finally take Wade to their new home. To make the surprise more stunning, was the humman blindfolded.

However, the mercenary couldn't keep his mouth shut, as always, and asked in periods of thirty seconds if they had arrived.

"Oh my holy motherfucking... YES. Yes, we are there. Let me put away the boxes real quick."

Wade nodded and climbed off.

"Oooh, I'm rebel just for-" he heard a hissing sound next to him. "Sorry, honeybun. I will try to shut up..."

When another hiss was in front of him, he tore off the blindfold and saw Peter, raised legs and all. He turned around to see another, really big oh em gee it's huuuge, arachne.

{Female alert!! Spider-tits incom- oh wait, there are none.}

[Now, seeing another arachne in full light the first time...]

{She never saw a shower, huh?}

[She _is_ feral.]

"Wild, but not the good way." Wade added, unfortunately turning attention towards him.

The female glared him down before grabbing and ripping him into two pieces in one swift motion.

Peter slammed his legs down, hissing louder as the female dropped Wade to attack him.

Wade used his last strength to crawl to his lower parts and put himself together again as fast as possible. There had to be a gun on him... or at least a knife...

He let himself heal while pulling out a hunting knife and turned to face the arachne. Peter was on his back, legs pushing against the fangs trying to bite him. He rushed to them and climbed the now busy arachne to stab it.

{Quick! Which part is the best?! Peter told us... uh... two hearts and lungs??}

[Fuck it. Neck. Now.]

Wade didn't hesitate and held the head tightly as the drove the knife into the neck, halfway beheading her. After a short struggle and a lot of blood, she fell to the ground, giving a last few spasms before going out.

Peter waited for his boyfriend to get down before pushing her off him and curling into himself.

"You okay, Petey?"

"W-whhaade...." Peter breathed, barely any sound coming out. "V-ven-"

"Venom?? She bit you?!"

Peter huffed another short breath.

The other wasted no time to search for the bite and pressed his lips against Peter's chest to suck out the deadly substance. His head was spinning from it, but he tried to remain concious as he moved the spider into the home. 

{Oh, wow! It's so cool!!}

[Not now. Peter needs us.]

He looked around but decided the carpet in the living room would have to do for now. He lowered Peter down and gazed into unfocused eyes. "Anything to help?"

Peter tried to wheeze out words. "N-nh-oo p-ah-nh-ic... Hah... I... f-f-iinh..."

"Don't panic, you'll be fine?" 

Peter affirmed with a last huff before stopping to breathe.

Wade's breath hitched and he quickly checked both lungs. Nothing. His heartbeat slowed down to an absolute bare minimum, at least so Wade assumed, and the eyes just stared into the distance.

"Okay, Wade. Petey said he's fine. Let us just believe that... No need to panic."

{at the disco?}

[Low. That was waaay to low.]

{Exploring time? It might get our mind off of a maybe-dying-but-we-fully-hope-the-best Petey.}

Wade nodded, and got up on shaky legs. The entrance to the tree house had been a wooden set of stairs leading to the house, which would soon be covered in vines and other plants. The house itself was wooden, but Peter had spinned most of it with sticky webs so that moss and leaves could attach and grow.

Through a thick door, he had entered the livingroom. It was a mix between modern and rustical, wooden accompanied with lots of white furniture. In a corner, he could now see a small wooden ladder leading up to the second floor. He climbed up to see a cave-like, small space for the bed and a small shelf with drawers next to it. 

{This just calls for nights with candles, lots of message oil... ohh yeah...}

[Sure, go ahead getting hard when the spider you want to hump is downstairs waving goodbye to life.]

{He said he'll be fine!}

[Like we say we are fine before shooting ourselves?]

"Enough!" Wade shouted, and climbed back down to distract himself. Next to the ladder was the doorway to the bathroom. There was a modern rain / waterfall shower, a wardrobe and washing machine, a seperated small room for the toilet, and a counter with two sinks. A detail that really warmed his heart, was that the bathroom mirror had a wooden cover that had to be shoved to the side to reveal the actual mirror.

{Aww, now we don't have to puke everytime we see our mug when going to take a shit!}

[He really does love us.]

"Yeah..." Wade sighed in affection. He left the bathroom again to go to the other side of the living room. After a check-up on Peter and carrying him into bed, he went to the kitchen area, which was now big enough for Peter to properly move around. 

The mercenary noticed a small set of stairs leading to a trap door next to the eating area. He opened the wooden door to go up onto an open deck and-

[What a view.]

{OH MY GOSH THAT VIEW IS AMAZING!!!}

Wade stared for several minutes before looking over the deck, spotting the other highlight.

{ *gasp* }

[Did you just literally say 'gasp in asteriks'??]

"JACUZZI!!!" Wade shouted over them as he ran over. The tub was shallow on one end and had the normal sitting design on the other. There were message functions and everything.

[Now we know why Peter's project ate so much of our bank account.]

{Woooorth iiiiiit~}

"Definitely!"

Wade looked around more and saw a rope made out of strong webbing and steel leading to another small tree house several trees away. He found a hook nearby to glide on and landed on a wooden plank. He opened the door and gasped for real. The walls were covered in metal inside, and the whole room was stuffed to the ceiling. Shelves over shelves, filled with books, Starks' equipment, tech stuff, chemicals and more.

"Nerd paradise." Wade chuckled and returned to check on his beloved arachnid.


	21. just like Jesse James

Wade sat on the bed, staring at Peter.

It had been hours, and the arachne still refused to breathe.

"yeah yeah... fine my ass..." Wade grumbled.

"Nah..." Peter breathed out of a sudden. "Finest ass."

The arachne sighed and turned his head towards Wade. "Can't a spider get clean in peace?"

Wade huffed a laugh, full of relief. He instantly hugged Peter close, hiding his face in the neck. "Shit, Spidey... You really scared me."

"Yeah. I know. Sorry, babe." Peter smiled lazily, feeling the air returning into his system fully. The venom was mostly out of his body, and while he was still sluggish, he could still wrap his legs around the other.

"Aw, I get all mushy when you call me that~!"

Peter chuckled at that. "Did you have any chance to see the house? Or were you fretting over me the whole time?"

"The jacuzzi?"

"The jacuzzi."

Wade giggled and rolled over to pull the spider on top of him. Peter gave a squeak and slung his arms tightly around him. "W-Wade!!"

The mercenary held him close, noticing how Peter was about to slide off. "Can't move?"

Peter blushed in embarrassment and nodded a little. "A bit numb."

An idea popped into Wade's mind and before the other knew it, was he back on his back and Wade gone. Before wondering too much, was his boyfriend returning with skin oil he often rubbed into Wade's skin. 

"Saw this bed and immediately had the idea."

Peter swallowed audibly as Wade crawled up and squirted some on his hands, rubbed it warm and then started to massage Peter's legs.

The arachnid bit his lip to not moan at the sensation of his legs being stroked. Usually they were incredibly sensitive, but with the numb feeling Wade's hands felt heavenly.

"Don't you dare hold back." Wade growled, moving on to the base of the legs in the middle, occaisonally drifting off to massage the spider's underside.

"Hah- ah! Wade!!" Peter gasped.  "D-Don't rub th-there like th-that-!"

"Oh? And why shouldn't I?" Wade asked instead, repeating the motion. Peter fell apart underneath him, and before he could tease more were his hands not only covered in oil.

Peter's whole face and upper body burned in a dark blush when Wade only smirked and brought it to his lips.

"Huh. Tastes different than human."

"Wh-Why would you fucking eat- ugh!" Peter shuddered.

Wade's smirk widened. "O-ho-ho, let me show you why~"

 

\- ~ -

 

"Fuck, Wade..." Peter gasped for air. "You talented... fuck..."

"Wanna suck me?" Wade asked with  a wink.

Peter instantly grabbed his throat tightly.

"So that's a no."

The arachne knew it wasn't big deal for the other, but he still caught on the slightly disappointed look. Well, trying couldn't hurt.

"Okay, okay." Peter sighed, giving his boyfriend a smile as he could finally move properly again and pulled Wade with his front legs towards his face.

"Oh Peter!" Wade acted like he was fainting.

The brunette chuckled, undressed Wade efficiently, and stared the length up and down. Hesitantly, he licked a stripe up, and enjoyed the sound he got. Then, he slowly put the tip in his mouth, holding back the urge to throw up his disgestive acid.

"Y-You okay there, Spidey?"

Peter hummed and took Wade's words literally, using his strength to suck _hard_.

Wade screamed in surprise and ecstasy, instinctively thrusting into the mouth before thinking better of it. The arachne flinched, responding in biting down out of fear and pain.

The mercs breath hitched and he bit on his lip to keep quiet as he came down Peter's throat.

A few seconds passed before Wade came to his senses and quickly pulled out. "Shit, Petey, I'm sorry!"

The spider coughed a bit, laying his head down on the other's leg. "Sorry I almost bit off your dick."

"It was the best part!" Wade giggled. "Besides, it'll heal. Did I hurt you much?"

"Forcing a wiener down a throat that can only handle liquids? No, why would that hurt?"

Wade winced, imagining how it must've felt. "I'm so sorry sugarplum... I didn't mean to..."

"Yeah... you know what?"

"Hm?"

"You could say... that was one big chungus." Peter chuckled. 

Wade laughed along, pulling the spider close. "God-fucking-dammit, Pete. Again with the memes?"

Peter went along until he was face to face with Wade. "Hey, babe?"

"Yes, darling?"

"Would you..." Peter paused, blushing heavily. "Would you marry me?"

The mercenary gasped and broke out in tears. "Are you serious?!"

"As long as you won't take the fucking kids, Karen."

Wade cried and giggled at the same time as pulling Peter into a deep kiss. "Yes, you damn meme lord. I thought that style wasn't good enough?"

"Modern problems require modern solutions. Aaand I know you'd love this shit."

"It's not like I'm someone to run off to some tree."

"You _are_ in a tree."

"Shit. You're right." Wade laughed, then stole another kiss. "Just tell me one thing."

"What is it, babe?"

"Does this sound like Shakira? Lele la le lole~"

"YOU FUCKING-"

"YOU AREN'T ANY BETTER!"

 

\- ~ -

 

{Happy end and cut?}

[Yeah.]

{Roll the credits!}

[What credits?]

**Author's Note:**

> I'll try to update every second day.
> 
> Leave a comment maybe, I would love to hear your thoughts!


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